They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, and these jokes will keep you laughing for days!
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One 80-year-old man went to the therapist for a physical examination.
"Well, how do you feel?" asks his doctor.
“Better than ever,” the old man answers cheerfully, “I have a young wife, she is pregnant so I will soon become a father. Well, what do you say to that, doctor?”
The doctor thought a little and replied:
"I will share a fable with you. I once knew a man who was going to hunt and, by mistake, instead of a gun, he took a mop from the house. He goes, you see, through the forest, when suddenly a bear crawls out from the bush and comes straight toward him! But the hunter did not lose his head. He grabbed the mop, aimed it, a shot rang out, and the bear dropped to the ground, dead."
The old man laughed and said:
"Well, that couldn't have been. Maybe someone else shot at that time?"
"That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you," the doctor replied.
A BOASTFUL PATIENT
An old man goes to the doctor:
"Well, what's the matter?" asks the physician.
The elderly gentleman takes off his trousers and underwear and places his impressive private parts right on the table in front of the doctor.
The table almost collapsed from the weight of his large member. The doctor is in complete shock and asks the man:
"Why are you complaining?!"
His patient replies:
"I'm not complaining. I’m bragging!"
A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED
An old man had a young wife. They really wanted children but couldn't conceive. He was 70 years already so it was no surprise, but still they tried every treatment.
He even took medication but it was all in vain. One day, he found a doctor who said he had a cure for the elderly man.
"You will need two things: a mop and a bar of soap," the doctor said.
The elderly man was curious and asked why he would need those items. His doctor replied:
"Well, listen: take the soap, take your wife to the bathroom and wash her well"
"Okay," the old man replied, "but why would I need the mop?"
"Then take a mop and knock on the wall. And I'll come running!
ADVICE GONE WRONG
An elderly man goes to the doctor and complains that for the last 17 years he has suffered from headaches and nothing helps.
The doctor looked at his case history, made sure that the patient had tried all the medicines and treatments available to him, and said:
"When my head hurts, I spit on the pain! I take my wife to the shower and have sex with her to forget about everything. It always helps."
After some time, the doctor meets with the patient again and is interested in the result. The patient is absolutely delighted and says:
"Thank you, Doc! For 17 years nothing helped me, but thanks to your advice, I'm cured!"
The doctor responds happily:
"See? I would never give you bad advice."
"Indeed, Doctor," the old man replied, "your wife is magnificent!"
A LITTLE WHITE LIE
An old man goes to the doctor and says:
"You know, doctor, I have two problems."
"Explain them to me in order," the doctor replies.
"Well, first," the old man started, "I have sex with my wife ten times a day, and I sleep with my mistress twenty times a day and I just can't stop."
"Hmm, I see your predicament," the doctor said. "What was the second problem?"
“You see, doctor, I'm a big liar ...”
GRANDMA IS EASILY ANNOYED
Grandma goes to the doctor and says:
"Doctor, everything annoys me."
The doctor asks: "Everything? Really?"
"Did you try to go to the theater?"
"Yes," the grandmother says, "I tried, but the actors were running around and screaming. It was so annoying!"
"Have you been to the sea?" he asked.
"Yes. There were so many people and some of them naked! Annoying!"
"Well, have you tried sex?" the doctor suggested.
He takes her behind a folding screen. A few minutes later she can be heard shouting:
"Doctor, make up your mind! Back or forth, otherwise it annoys me that you are here and there!"
A PROFICIENT MECHANIC
A gynecologist close to retirement decided that he needs a career change. He thinks back on his life and remembers that he worked as an auto mechanic 25 years ago.
He goes to the service station and says, "I want to get a mechanic."
You'll need to pass an exam first," the workshop manager says. "Disassemble and re-assemble the engine from that car."
The old man did just that and left. He returned the next day for his results, and asked, "Well, did I pass?"
"Passed! Yes, and on the 5!" the manager said.
"I don't know how that's possible," the old man replied. "I haven't worked on engines in 25 years!"
"Well, we don't know either. But you managed to disassemble and re-assemble the engine through the exhaust pipe!"
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