Getting older is not for everybody, as these jokes prove.
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An elderly, experienced lady slept with a younged peasant and asked him:
“Are you a doctor by any chance?”
"Yes, I'm a doctor," he replied.
"Are you an anesthesiologist, perhaps?"
"Yes!" he said surprised, "But how did you guess?
"Because I didn't feel anything," she shot back.
A GIRLFRIEND WITH BETTER BENEFITS
A 90-year-old had a relationship with one of the other residents in the nursing home. They loved each other passionately and would meet every evening.
They would spend time together, read newspapers, and watch TV. One evening, her lover didn't show up. He didn't she up the next day either, or the day after that.
"Well," she thought, "my beloved has died."
But a week later he returned, cheerful, brave and smiling from ear to ear.
"Where have you been this past week?!" she asked.
He said: I have to confess something terrible, I cheated on you! I spent the week with another woman."
Furious, the woman yells: "All men are goats! And you, despite your age, are no exception! She's probably younger than me, isn't she?"
"Well, no," he said. "She is also ninety years old."
"So then she is more beautiful than I am?"
"No," he said again. "The two of you look actually quite alike."
"Then what is the difference between us?" she demanded.
"You see," he said, "she has Parkinson's disease."
A LESSON ABOUT THE BIRDS AND BEES, OR DOGS...
A grandfather was walking with his young granddaughter when they saw two dogs going at it. She was curious and asked her grandfather what they were doing.
The grandfather unsure of how to handle the situation, replied: "Well my dear, the one dog broke his leg and the second dog is so kind and sympathetic. He dragged his friend back home."
The granddaughter looked at the dogs for a while, clearly confused. Eventually, she asked:
"Grandpa, but is everyone then always so kind and sympathetic?"
A man with a vision impairment was watching TV and suddenly called for his wife.
"Hey! Honey! Come here! You won't believe what these perverts are doing on TV!"
The wife came running from the kitchen, looked at the screen and said:
"You old goat, put on your glasses. That's Fidel Castro eating banana!"
Three old men are talking. One says: "I prefer girls in their twenties. They are so tender and inexperienced."
The second man says: "I love women of forty. They are experienced, they know so much, they know what they want.
The third man says: "I like most 70-year-olds."
"Why is that?" the others wanted to know.
"They make love like every time might be the last!"
HIS WIFE EVEN MEDDLED IN HIS DREAMS!
An older man went out for drinks with his friend.
"Why do you look so sad," his friend asked.
"I had a dream earlier that I was talking to a beautiful younger woman."
"And why aren't you happy about that?" his friend wanted to know.
"Because my wife woke me up just when I was about to write down her phone number!"
AN UNFORTUNATE DILEMMA
Two pensioners met in the park. One of them says:
"You know, newlyweds have moved in next door and now they keep me awake all night!"
"Oh, young, passionate love! How I envy you!"
"No, no, I try to listen all night but I can't hear anything!"
ASHES AND ASHES
A young man visits his girlfriend for the first time. He walks around the apartment and looks at her decor and belongings.
He sees that a very beautiful and expensive Chinese vase next to the sofa. He looks inside but sees nothing, and then puts his hand in the vase.
"What is this?" he asks.
"Oh, that's nothing, it's just my grandfather's ashes."
Shocked, he pulls his hand back with a fright. His girlfriend continues:
"My grandfather is too lazy to use the ashtray in the kitchen!"
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