5+ jokes that prove it is better not to cheat

A few jokes about cheating spouses to light up your day and make you laugh!  

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BAD NEWS FIRST

“I have news for you, do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

“Give me the bad one first.”

“Your girlfriend cheated on you.”

“And the good one?”

“A good one would not cheat!”

 

FALLING IN LOVE

 

“By the way, I have jumped 128 times from a great height. And without a parachute!

“Oh, yes you are a paratrooper!”

“No, I am a lover!”

 

WIFE OR MISTRESS?

 

Husband and wife are lying in the bed, exhausted after a stormy love-making session.

The wife suddenly asks:

“Listen, does your mistress know that we sleep together?

 

THE NEIGHBOR'S WIFE

 

A man at a party raises his glass and says:

“I, for example, have lived with my wife for twenty years ...

“With mine,” his neighbor corrects.

“With yours - fifteen years…” the man replies.

 

CONFUSING NUMBERS

 

The husband comes home drunk, undresses, lies down in bed next to his wife and begins to count his legs: 1,2,3,4,5,6.

Not understanding how he got to that figure, he jumps up from the bed and starts counting again: 1,2,3,4.

“Well, now everything is fine!”

 

THE BACKUP PLAN

A mother tries on a fur coat in front of the mirror.

“Mom, this is the coat dad bought you, right?” asks the little boy.

“No, son. If I relied on dad, I wouldn’t have any fur coats.

Or you, for that matter.”

A SUSPICIOUS HUSBAND

Husband returns from a business trip. He opens the door, and his half-dressed wife rushes towards him and shouts:

“Come on, hurry up, we have to leave immediately! We have just been informed that there is an explosive device somewhere in our house!”

“Wait a minute, dear. I'll just check if it's in our closet!”

A CURE

Buy a proven remedy and prolong sexual intercourse for two hours.

“It suits me for ten minutes only. As I will later explain to my wife, where I hung around for two hours.

NOT ENOUGH SPACE TO HIDE

 

Husband asks wife:

“Will we need a wardrobe for the new apartment?

Voice from the cabinet:

“We will!”

 

GIRL TALK 

Two girlfriends are talking to each other and one says:

“You know, my lover promised to give me a mink coat.”

“Awesome,” says the other one.

“He also promised me to buy a Ferrari car.”

“Awesome,” she says again.

“And also, we will spend the summer on the Canary Islands. What is new with you?”

“I went to speech class. Instead of the words ‘do not write,’ I learned to say ‘amazing.’"

 

A FILM TO WATCH

Wife tells husband:

“I already watched this movie with you”

“Maybe you watched with your lover?” he asked.

“No, if I watched with a lover, I would not have finished watching.”

SHOOT TO TEST

Husband finds his wife with a lover and pulls out a revolver:

"Come on, I will shoot twice and we fall to the ground. Whoever she runs too, gets to stay with her."The wife hears 2 shots, looks out the window and yells:

“Jack, slaz! Both were shot!”

 

WHEN THE HUSBAND IS AWAY...

The husband comes home from a business trip and asks his wife:

“Sergey Ivanovich came?

“I came.”

“What did you do?”

“We drank tea.”

“And then?”

“Listened to music.”

“And then?”

“Kissing.”

“Where did you kiss?”

“On the lips.”

“And then?”

“On the neck.”

“And then?”

“In the chest.”

-“And then?”

“On the stomach.”

“And then?”

“On the knees.”

“You do not jump!”

 

HONEST HUSBAND

At the gates of Heaven and Hell, the apostle Peter lined up a row of men:

“All who  changed his wife, step forward please.”

All stepped forward except one - an honest husband.

Apostle Peter:

“Well, well ... All to hell. And a deaf one too!”

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