Husband's Friends Ask His Widow Whether They Can Say a Few Words at the Funeral

To get the laughter going in today's joke of the day, we compiled two witty funnies about a funeral and a cemetery, where nothing turned out to be what it seemed. 

A FEW WORDS

A close up of a microphone for speeches during a funeral. | Source: Shutterstock.

A close up of a microphone for speeches during a funeral. | Source: Shutterstock.

Bob attends the funeral of his old friend, Robert. Respectfully he approaches his late friend’s wife, Delores and asks whether he can say a word.

She nods and Bob clears his throat and says, “Plethora.” Delores smiles appreciatively and says, “Thank you, that means a lot.”

Another old friend, Sal, approaches Delores and asks, “Mind if I say a word too?” With a smile, she replies, “Please do.”

Sal clears his throat and says, “Bargain.” Delores gives Sal a nod and replies, “Thank you, that means a great deal.”

A man talking over a microphone. | Source: Shutterstock.

A man talking over a microphone. | Source: Shutterstock.

And so Steve also approaches Delores wanting to add a word of his own. “May I add a word as well?” Steve asks. “You sure can,” she says.

Steve clears his throat and says, “Earth.” Delores smiles broadly and replies, “Thank you, it means the world.”

Right behind Steve, Fred also asks if he could share. “Gladly,” Delores says.

Fred clears his throat and says, “Infinity,” to which she replies, “Thank you, it means more than you could possibly imagine.”

Another man walks up to Delores and says, “I’m truly sorry for your loss, he was a great and dear man.”

With a frown, Delores replies, “Doesn’t sound like you knew him at all!”

A group of friend laughing out loud. | Source: Shutterstock

A group of friend laughing out loud. | Source: Shutterstock

ACORNS AND SOULS

Just inside the cemetery fence of a small town, stood a big, old pecan tree. One day, two boys spent hours filling their bucket with nuts. Tired, they sat down right under the tree and began dividing them.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," the one boy counted while several nuts dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy drove by on his bicycle and heard voices and with it being in a cemetery he couldn’t resist the temptation to investigate. As he crept closer all he could hear was, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

Scared out of his wits, the boy ran back to his bicycle and rode off as quick he could. As he came around the bend in the road, the boy noticed an elderly man with a cane, hobbling along.

A large oak tree. | Source: Shutterstock.

A large oak tree. | Source: Shutterstock.

“Please, come quick,” the boy said to the man. “The Devil and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"

Not interested in the boy’s pleas, the elderly man said, “Beat it, kid, can’t you see I have a hard enough time walking as it is!”

But the boy kept insisting and eventually, the man hobbled along to the cemetery. As they got to the fence, the two heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The elderly man’s eyes went wide and he said, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?"

The two tried every angle as the peered through the fence, trying to catch a glimpse, but they just couldn’t see. Then all suddenly went quiet before the voice said once more, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

A woman laughing out loud. | Source: Shutterstock.

A woman laughing out loud. | Source: Shutterstock.

The old man beat the boy to the cemetery gate.

In a similar joke of the day, a widow gave a surprising response when a friend asked her about her new husband.