'My husband is a lawyer, but he never defends me in front of his family'

Razia Meer
Sep 04, 2018
10:53 A.M.

Dear AmoMama,


My husband of 14 years is a defense attorney, and I wish for once he would use his training and take some time to defend me in front of his family instead of always believing the worst.

His mother nitpicks everything I do, even though she lives in a different state. They gossip to each other on the phone all day – he literally hangs up when I walk into the room!

I heard from my sisters-in-law and his cousins how he complains about my cooking and whines about my dressing to his mother instead of coming out and telling me directly. And then she tells everyone back home how miserable he is.

Source: Pixabay

Source: Pixabay


He has never once told me anything bad about my cooking. I constantly try new recipes I find online and consider us foodies, eager to taste new things. He has always said he has no food preferences and I should surprise him.

I recently found a job as an executive secretary after being a stay-at-home mum for the past 10 years and the backbiting seems to have got worse. I dress smart for my job, my boss is the CEO of the company. From the sounds of things, hubby doesn't like it.

I feel like I have to ask around if I want to hear my husband's opinion on something instead of him just being straight-forward with me. And oh do his sisters love sharing the latest tidbit they picked up from mother dearest.

Source: Freepik

Source: Freepik

I love my mum, but chatting with her twice a week is enough, plus I take her to church on Sunday. I understand his mother stays further away so he doesn't get to see her as often, but I think he's overdoing the mommy's boy routine.


I really don't want to get in the way of their relationship, but I feel like this unhealthy gossipping about me behind my back is driving a wedge into our marriage. Plus he's lawyer but he never defends me in front of his family – surely that's not right?

Instead, between him and his mum, it's like I'm being convicted of crimes I don't even know I've committed and his whole family gets to be the judge and jury!

Source: Freepik

Source: Freepik


There are days I want to tell him to just go back and live with his mom so he can go to sleep happy every night, but I don't dare say I know anything because he will turn it all around and say that I was the one snooping.

I feel like I am on the witness stand when we fight, he doesn't even give me a chance to air my views. I can't take this petty, childish behavior anymore. I think it's time to take our marriage to divorce court so I can win for a change. Is it time to give up?

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