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September 07, 2018

'My new boyfriend's ex won't leave us alone. I feel like I'm being stalked'

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Dear AmoMama,

I am a 37-year-old woman dating a 40-year-old man, but my new boyfriend's ex won't leave us alone. She calls him constantly, using their child as an excuse.

He tries not to engage her for the sake of the child, but she's relentless. She even drops by unannounced when he's at my place, we don't know how she even knows when he's here.

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We don't live together or anything, our relationship is still fairly new and I have a teenage daughter that lives with me so his moving in is not an option I am considering.

His ex has my home phone number, my mobile number, and my work number. She seems to know everything about me and he insists he hasn't said anything.

She calls me up at any time saying she's looking for him as though I should know his whereabouts at every second. And if I tell her I don't know, she calls me a liar.

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I feel like I'm being stalked. Is this how ex-wives behave? I was married before and I don't know my ex-husband's girlfriend, she hasn't progressed yet to meeting our daughter so until then, she can stay anonymous.

The same rule applies to my boyfriend and me, he is only able to sleepover on weekends that my daughter is at her dad's. My ex and I agreed she will only meet partners we are serious about.

Our little girl is 16 and fairly well adjusted so meeting our new partners won't be traumatic, we just don't want her to feel like a slew of men and women are passing through our bedrooms and give her the wrong impression. 

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On the one hand, I feel like his ex and I need to sit down and have a chat over a glass of wine. They broke up, he moved on, why can't she? On the other hand, I want to tell her to just back off and leave him alone.

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I feel like she hasn't given up on them and is trying really hard to get him back. I can see his frustration when she calls or comes over, he is so patient with her on the outside though, never rude or making a scene.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. I thought I could just wait her out and eventually she would tire and stop. But she is showing no signs of doing that.

He apologizes to me and I tell him it's not a big deal. But after 5 months of this, it's really starting to annoy me. He's a wonderful man and I adore him, but his baggage is a little overbearing. Should I just dump him?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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