About AM

September 14, 2018

'My husband of 15 years died and he left everything to his lover – a man he knew from work'

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Dear AmoMama,

I am meant to be the grieving widow but have discovered I am just a laughing stock. My husband of 15 years died and he left everything to his lover – a man he knew from work.

Not only has he robbed me of my inheritance but I found out he was gay the whole time we were together. Everything makes sense now and I am so angry and hurt and disappointed.

Worst of all is that he didn't even have the guts or the courtesy to tell me. I mean, we've been together since high school and I only found out in his lawyer's office that our life together was a lie.

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He never wanted children, blamed his libido on health issues, spent more money on clothes than I did, and never came home on time. His business trips were a euphemism for gay trysts with his lover.

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I was so blind. I was too trusting, and so much in love. I sought nutritionists and dieticians to correct his imbalances when I should have consulted therapists and counselors, and maybe divorce lawyers.

How could he hide his true self from me all this time? What kind of a man steals another person's life without feeling a modicum of guilt and shame?

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I am 35 years old now and alone. My clock is ticking but not for much longer. I haven't so much as looked at another man since meeting him and I have no hope of finding someone who will love me now.

My hope of having babies flew out of the window when he died. 

I also have no home because he left it to Joe-blow in his will. It belonged to his parents so I have no claim over it, and frankly, I can't see myself going to court to fight for it and being publically humiliated when everyone finds out the sordid details of my husband's will and sexual history.

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I wish the world would just open up and swallow me. My friends looked at me with pity and his friends couldn't even make eye contact at the funeral reception. I must have looked like an absolute moron, crying for my dear dead husband.

He played me for a fool. And there's nothing I can do about it now. How do I move on from this? How do I continue? Where do I even start? Does anyone have some advice for me?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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