Here Are the Reasons Why God Will Never Get Tenure at Any University

Razia Meer
Apr 12, 2019
10:43 A.M.

Here are the hilarious reasons God would never be able to apply for or land tenure at any University around the world.


For those who don't understand the reference, "tenure" refers to the academic tenure systems, in which professors (at university level) are granted the right not to be dismissed without cause after initial probation (in other words: getting a paid job).

  • He had only one major publication.
  • It was in Hebrew.
  • It had no cited references.
Hands holding a Bible. | Source: Pixabay

Hands holding a Bible. | Source: Pixabay

  • It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
  • His paper was never submitted for peer review.

Some even doubt He wrote it Himself.

  • It may be true that He created the world in seven days, but what has He done since then?
  • His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
Woman reading a Bible. | Source: Pixabay

Woman reading a Bible. | Source: Pixabay

  • He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
  • Some say He got His son to teach the class.
  • When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
  • When subjects didn't behave as He predicted, He removed them from the sample.
  • The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate His results.
  • He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
A Vintage Bible. | Source: Pixabay

A Vintage Bible. | Source: Pixabay

  • He expelled His first two students.
  • Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests.
  • His office hours were infrequent and meetings were usually held on a mountain top without following adequate fire code regulations.

Reasons why He doesn't care about a University tenure:

  • He's the boss.
  • His only publication is still the most influential in the field, with millions of citations a year.
Child reading a Bible. | Source: Pixabay

Child reading a Bible. | Source: Pixabay

  • Sure, He didn't write it Himself, but with 12 grad students at hand, would you?
  • Disagree with Him, and you may end up in hell.
  • Nobody can beat His 4.5 billion years of fieldwork and 3.5 billion years of DNA expertise.
  • His research facilities are simply the best: even well-funded scientists will admit they work in conditions which are "far from Heaven" when asked.

[Source: unknown; supposedly based on a column by Ann Landers]

Did you enjoy this funny account? Remember to share it with your friends and click here for more!

Please fill in your e-mail so we can share with you our top stories!
By subscribing, you agree to our Privacy Policy
Related posts

Teacher Mocks Student and Refuses to Give Him a Pen during Exam, So He Makes A Plan To Get Him Fired

February 14, 2022

Man Sees His Newborn Girl, Accuses Wife Again of Cheating, and Gets a DNA Paternity Test

April 19, 2022

20 Years after Newborn Daughter’s Death, Man Hears, ‘Dad, I Finally Found You’ – Story of the Day

March 05, 2022

Woman Finds Old Army Token in the Sand on the Beach and Rushes to Seek the Owner — Story of the Day

May 15, 2022

4 Friends Promise to Meet in 40 Years, 3 Men Show Up and Find Note Saying, 'I'm Not Coming' – Story of the Day

January 31, 2022

Woman Reads Poor Old Artist’s Original Story and Decides to Visit His Home – Story of the Day

May 19, 2022

School Bus Driver Notices Kids Mock Poor Boy, One Day Boy Doesn’t Get Off Bus at the Final Stop – Story of the Day

April 13, 2022

Stepson Mocked by Adoptive Parents & Their Children Finds Letters They Hid from Him – Story of the Day

March 12, 2022

Rich School Boy Notices His Teacher Visits Abandoned House after Class and Decides to Follow Her – Story of the Day

May 06, 2022

Man Who Hasn’t Seen His Old Dad for 17 Years Visits and Sees His House Ruined — Story of the Day

March 10, 2022

Widow’s Son Spends All Her Savings Thoughtlessly, Later Learns She Needs Expensive Operation – Story of the Day

April 27, 2022

Woman Believed to Be Dead for 20 Years Appears at Her Son’s Funeral – Story of the Day

May 04, 2022

Wanting to Be a Lifeguard Like Late Dad, Boy Saves Drowning Girl & Gets a Box from Her Mom Later — Story of the Day

March 29, 2022

Visiting Widowed Mom after 3 Years, Man Finds a Mess and Hears a Man Coughing in the Next Room — Story of the Day

March 24, 2022