Entertainment

April 17, 2019

Evolution vs God: Funny Discussion about Human Origins

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Although taken from a funny cartoon series, or maybe even because of it, this quick dialog is a wonderful "real-world" example, of how serious discussions about the "Theory of Evolution" generally go down.

The story so far:

Devout Christian Ned Flanders visits a museum, together with his neighbors, the Simpson family. He is shocked to discover that Springfield's museum is promoting the theory of evolution.

Transcript from The Simpsons: The Monkey Suit / (No. 377) / First Aired: 14.5.2006 / Season: 17 Episode: 21

MUSEUM OFFICIAL: Sorry, folks, the weapons exhibit is now closed for the day. Sorry, no way. But you can all feel free to enjoy the rest of the museum.

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Enter the "Hall of Men"

NED FLANDERS: Evolution?

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Ned Flanders sees signs reading "MEN’S EARLY ANCESTORS," "INDISPUTABLE FOSSIL RECORDS," and "UNISEX BATHROOM," and is shocked. He dramatically uses his hands to cover his children's eyes.

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NED FLANDERS: Excuse me. How can you put up an exhibit on the origin of man and not have one mention of the bible?

Sign "THE MYTH OF CREATION"

Song: What a fool believes ...  [Doobie Brothers style]

NED FLANDERS: My most cherished beliefs, a myth?

TODD FLANDERS: Daddy, was mommy a monkey? I can't remember.

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NED FLANDERS: No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that.

TODD FLANDERS: But you said a stork brought me.

NED FLANDERS: Umm … that was God disguised as a stork.

ROD FLANDERS: Who brings baby storks?

NED FLANDERS: There's no such thing as storks! It's all God.

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TODD FLANDERS (Kneeling beside a statue of a stork): Please bless daddy and mommy ...

NED FLANDERS: Stop praying to that stork!

Sign: First church of Springfield / Today: Church council meeting / Topic: religion

NED FLANDERS: They're telling people we're descended from a pack of apes. Even though there's nothing about it in the bible.

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REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: Ned, you've got to take this thing with a grain of salt. I mean, come on.

HELEN LOVEJOY: Tim, this controversy could put more meat in the seats.

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: Well ... our membership has been dwindling since those Episcopalians put in those vibrating pews.

HELEN LOVEJOY: Evolution is the hot-button issue. We need to mobilize our flock. They'll be hanging on your every word.

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REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: I'll be a white Al Sharpton.

Both kiss each other.

MELVIN VAN HORNE: Why does every church meeting end this way?

Confrontation in Principal Seymour Skinner’s office:

NED FLANDERS: We want you to teach alternative theories to Darwinian evolution.

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PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: You mean Lamarckian evolution?

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: No, the Adam and Eve one.

PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: And what if I say no?

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: I believe you leased your Camry from Christian Brother’s auto.

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Reverend Lovejoy threatens to burn the lease contract.

PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: No! That was a once-in-a-lifetime APR [=Annual Percentage Rate]! Class, starting today, we will be presenting an alternative theory on the origin of man.

Teacher writes "CREATIONISM" with chalk on the blackboard.

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LISA SIMPSON: Creationism?! But that's not science.

PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: It is now.

This sets up a classic tug-of-war between Flanders and more liberal thinkers, like Lisa Simpson, who mobilises an underground evolution class.

Unsurprisingly, all hell breaks loose and Simpson is arrested for "teaching non-Biblical science" and goes to trial. Later in the Courtroom:

Clarice Dremond: This trial is the biggest load of … Oh for crying out loud!

Wallace Bravy: Now Bambi, who started that forest fire that killed your mother? Evolution?! My my my …

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