Evolution vs God: Funny Discussion about Human Origins

Although taken from a funny cartoon series, or maybe even because of it, this quick dialog is a wonderful "real-world" example, of how serious discussions about the "Theory of Evolution" generally go down.

The story so far:

Devout Christian Ned Flanders visits a museum, together with his neighbors, the Simpson family. He is shocked to discover that Springfield's museum is promoting the theory of evolution.

Transcript from The Simpsons: The Monkey Suit / (No. 377) / First Aired: 14.5.2006 / Season: 17 Episode: 21

MUSEUM OFFICIAL: Sorry, folks, the weapons exhibit is now closed for the day. Sorry, no way. But you can all feel free to enjoy the rest of the museum.

Enter the "Hall of Men"

NED FLANDERS: Evolution?

Ned Flanders sees signs reading "MEN’S EARLY ANCESTORS," "INDISPUTABLE FOSSIL RECORDS," and "UNISEX BATHROOM," and is shocked. He dramatically uses his hands to cover his children's eyes.

NED FLANDERS: Excuse me. How can you put up an exhibit on the origin of man and not have one mention of the bible?

Sign "THE MYTH OF CREATION"

Song: What a fool believes ...  [Doobie Brothers style]

NED FLANDERS: My most cherished beliefs, a myth?

TODD FLANDERS: Daddy, was mommy a monkey? I can't remember.

NED FLANDERS: No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that.

TODD FLANDERS: But you said a stork brought me.

NED FLANDERS: Umm … that was God disguised as a stork.

ROD FLANDERS: Who brings baby storks?

NED FLANDERS: There's no such thing as storks! It's all God.

TODD FLANDERS (Kneeling beside a statue of a stork): Please bless daddy and mommy ...

NED FLANDERS: Stop praying to that stork!

Sign: First church of Springfield / Today: Church council meeting / Topic: religion

NED FLANDERS: They're telling people we're descended from a pack of apes. Even though there's nothing about it in the bible.

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: Ned, you've got to take this thing with a grain of salt. I mean, come on.

HELEN LOVEJOY: Tim, this controversy could put more meat in the seats.

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: Well ... our membership has been dwindling since those Episcopalians put in those vibrating pews.

HELEN LOVEJOY: Evolution is the hot-button issue. We need to mobilize our flock. They'll be hanging on your every word.

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: I'll be a white Al Sharpton.

Both kiss each other.

MELVIN VAN HORNE: Why does every church meeting end this way?

Confrontation in Principal Seymour Skinner’s office:

NED FLANDERS: We want you to teach alternative theories to Darwinian evolution.

PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: You mean Lamarckian evolution?

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: No, the Adam and Eve one.

PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: And what if I say no?

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY: I believe you leased your Camry from Christian Brother’s auto.

Reverend Lovejoy threatens to burn the lease contract.

PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: No! That was a once-in-a-lifetime APR [=Annual Percentage Rate]! Class, starting today, we will be presenting an alternative theory on the origin of man.

Teacher writes "CREATIONISM" with chalk on the blackboard.

LISA SIMPSON: Creationism?! But that's not science.

PRINCIPAL SEYMOUR SKINNER: It is now.

This sets up a classic tug-of-war between Flanders and more liberal thinkers, like Lisa Simpson, who mobilises an underground evolution class.

Unsurprisingly, all hell breaks loose and Simpson is arrested for "teaching non-Biblical science" and goes to trial. Later in the Courtroom:

Clarice Dremond: This trial is the biggest load of … Oh for crying out loud!

Wallace Bravy: Now Bambi, who started that forest fire that killed your mother? Evolution?! My my my …

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