June 24, 2019
A woman’s social media post received backlash after she explained how she chose a pre-planned vacation with family over attending the funeral of her boyfriend’s mother.
As a teacher, the woman had about two months off every summer, but her cousin, aunt, sister, and mom worked regular 9-5 jobs that gave them only a few weeks off each year.
A couple holding hands at a grave site. | Source: Shutterstock.
After some careful planning, they all managed to schedule a break to Mexico from June 1 until June 9. However, a few days before they left for the trip, tragedy struck when the woman’s boyfriend’s mother passed unexpectedly.
She had been with her boyfriend for two years, and because his family lives across the country, the woman said they were on friendly terms, but not close because she only saw them about twice a year.
“I spent days attached to his hip, supporting him, wrote the email to his work explaining what happened, cleaning the apartment, making sure he ate, called his dad & siblings and expressed my condolences, booked his flight, helped him pack, etc.,” she wrote on Reddit.
Even though the woman’s boyfriend begged her to go with him to the funeral, she declined. “I felt so, so, so bad telling him no. I hardly knew his mom and felt like I already committed myself to the trip with my family,” the woman added.
A family laying flowers on the grave of a beloved. | Source: Shutterstock.
Her boyfriend offered her money to replace the deposits the woman would lose if she were to cancel the trip with her family, but for them, to find the time to spend together only comes around maybe once a year.
After her family repeatedly told the woman they want her to join them on the Mexico trip, she chose to go on the vacation. Since the woman came back from her trip to Mexico, the relationship with her boyfriend had been different.
“Sometimes he's really close with me like usual other times I can tell he's mad I didn't go with him. He said he's not furious at me but just disappointed and sad that I chose to go party instead of being there with him,” she explained.
A young woman trying to console her boyfriend. | Source: Shutterstock.
Now with everything said and done, the woman wondered whether she made the right decision. But based on the response she had received on her post since; the woman made a grave error in judgment as one user on Reddit commented, “Your boyfriend's MOTHER died. Not his neighbor, or friend or coworker. His MOTHER. And as his partner, someone who allegedly loves him, you should have been at his side at the funeral.”
Another user pointed out consequences the woman’s actions likely brought about and said, “He is trying to process not only his mother's unexpected death, but how the person he's been with for two years could ditch him when he needed her most for a vacation with the girls, and the implications that decision has for the future of the relationship.”
A young woman comforting her grieving partner. | Source: Shutterstock.
When faced with life’s hardships, people often turn to their partners for support. While one can take care of everyday things for them, it is often the act of being present, that means the most to a grieving partner.
Everyone does not grieve the same, but listening to them, being present even if it meant just sitting with them in silence can be comforting. Let your partner grieve in their own way without giving it expiry date, rules, cliche’s, or parameters.
Be the listener and their shelter from everything from overwhelming sympathies to the bulging laundry basket. Sometimes all that is needed is for your partner to know you are there.
Relationships can be challenging to navigate, and in a similar post, another woman got roasted after she announced on Facebook that her pro-life sister had an abortion in 2018.