My BIL Insisted to Pay For Everyone at the Restaurant - He Went Pale When He Looked At the Bill

When a sumptuous family dinner came to an end, a man's brother-in-law boldly insisted on footing the bill. The BIL's face turned pale once he saw the hefty amount, and an unexpected turn of events soon followed.

On January 14, 2024, an anonymous male poster turned to the "AITA" subreddit to share his story. He recounted a life of frequent work-related travel, leading to infrequent family reunions—usually only a couple of times each year. During his visits, the Original Poster (OP) expressed a fondness for treating his family to dinners at upscale restaurants, not necessarily Michelin-starred, but still carrying a significant price tag.

The gatherings typically included OP, his parents, his sister, her husband, their two kids, his brother, his girlfriend, and their two children, totaling 11 people. Despite the bill ranging between $600 and $1,000, OP found joy in these gatherings, cherishing the opportunity to connect with his nieces and nephews away from screens. They particularly enjoyed going out to fancy restaurants.

OP couldn't pinpoint why, but the entire affair seemed to irk his brother-in-law, a revelation that came to light recently. The BIL harbored a belief that OP's motive behind these family dinners was to flaunt wealth, a perception the latter vehemently denied.

Expressing his sentiments, OP admitted to feeling not angry but somewhat upset about the brother-in-law's actions.

Reflecting on his own actions, OP drew parallels to an uncle who played a pivotal role in kickstarting his career. This uncle, with a more extravagant approach, used to treat the family to similar dinners during OP's upbringing.

Recollecting a grander gesture, the uncle once took a party of around 26 people to Disney World three decades ago, claiming it to be a collective Christmas and birthday gift. However, OP, with a touch of irony, recalled still receiving a card with $50 in it twice that year.

What Happened at the Dinner?

Having enjoyed a prosperous 2023, OP decided to celebrate the holidays by treating everyone to a lavish dinner at a fairly expensive steakhouse. However, when the bill arrived, the BIL took charge, boldly asserting that he would cover the expenses this time. OP, though initially declining the offer, relented to avoid a scene.

"When [my brother-in-law] looked at the bill he went a little white though," explained OP. It turned out that the dinner for 14, including additional guests brought by nieces and nephews, had surpassed $2,000–a final tally of $2,500 after factoring in the tip. In the end, the BIL footed the bill, leaving an unspoken unease lingering in the air.

The following day, OP and his sister met for coffee, and although she avoided broaching the subject, he took the initiative. Expressing his sentiments, OP admitted to feeling not angry but somewhat upset about the brother-in-law's actions.

In response, his sister revealed her anger, not directed at OP but fueled by the financial strain of an unplanned expense. Surprised by her perspective, OP questioned if she considered it a waste for him to treat everyone. Her apology came swiftly, clarifying that the frustration stemmed from the brother-in-law's impact on their budget.

Demonstrating empathy, OP handed her $2,500, witnessing a mix of relief and gratitude in his sister's eyes. "I told [my sister] that I took everyone out because I am missing seeing them grow up," OP explained. "I miss seeing all the family stuff they get to do. I blow through town for a week, and I just want good memories."

Later that day, OP received a call from his brother-in-law, who, with evident frustration, labeled him an "AH" for allowing him to cover the bill and subsequently discussing it with the sister. In response, OP assured him of discretion, saying he didn't intend to hurt him and that "they could just keep it on the down low."

Contemplating the situation, OP wondered if he should have been more insistent on paying, grappling with the concern that his brother-in-law now believed he had inadvertently jeopardized the family's grocery budget for the next couple of months over a single extravagant meal.

What Do Redditors Think?

OP's story garnered overwhelming support online, with a large majority of commenters deeming him "NTA." One commenter shared that while OP wasn't the antagonist, they could understand the brother-in-law's desire to contribute financially due to pride. The suggestion of a hassle-free method, presenting the card beforehand, was put forth to eliminate any awkward back-and-forth or hard feelings.

A second user opined that the brother-in-law's behavior hinted at jealousy regarding OP's financial stability. They emphasized that OP's intent wasn't to flaunt wealth but to create cherished family memories during infrequent visits.

A third commenter expressed a critical view of the brother-in-law, labeling his actions as inappropriate. They deemed him inconsiderate for grabbing the check despite not being able to afford it, later criticizing OP for reimbursing his wife. The commenter encouraged OP to continue their generous gestures, asserting that the brother-in-law's wounded pride shouldn't deter them.

A fourth person said that the brother-in-law's response was reflective of unwarranted pride and that OP should not feel obligated to tiptoe around such behavior. They suggested a straightforward approach for the future, announcing the intention to pay for everyone and making attendance optional.

A fifth commenter expressed concern about the brother-in-law's willingness to spend money they couldn't afford for an alpha display. They reassured OP that they were not in the wrong and applauded their actions.

A sixth user complimented OP, referring to them as a sweetheart, and mentioned that the story about the supportive uncle warmed their heart. Yet another commenter found the brother-in-law's expectations unreasonable, highlighting the ridiculousness of expecting OP to read into his desire to make a show of taking care of the bill.

What do you think about this story? How would you handle things if you were in OP's place?

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