Am I Wrong for Standing up to My Mother-in-Law for Making Insulting Comments?

Amid the joy of impending parenthood, a woman faces a tumultuous dilemma after her mother-in-law's insulting remarks reach a breaking point. As tensions rise, the expectant mother takes a bold step, issuing a stern ultimatum, leaving her marriage and family ties hanging in the balance.

In early July 2021, an anonymous female poster turned to the "AITA" subreddit to pen her story. The Original Poster (OP), aged 27, and her 29-year-old husband had discovered a few months prior that they would soon become parents. This development held significant meaning for them, given their prolonged efforts to conceive.

Grateful and brimming with joy, the couple navigated the intricacies of impending parenthood. It's worth noting the diverse professional backgrounds within their families. While OP's husband and his parents pursued careers in law, her own father worked as a constructor, and her mother was a dancer.

Despite the family's ability to provide for OP and her younger brothers (23 & 17), it inadvertently fueled disdain from her husband's mother, aged 54, and his 32-year-old sister. "This caused my husband to go low to almost no contact with his side of his family two years ago, only texting his father and his younger brother every now [and] then," explained OP.

In November 2020, OP, employed as a preschool teacher, faced the added challenge of the pandemic affecting her profession. To ease financial strains and contribute to the household, she took another job as a barista at a café just a few blocks from their home. Despite her mother-in-law's disapproval upon discovering the new job, OP was motivated by a desire to support her husband and bring in extra income.

As the couple rejoiced over the news of their impending parenthood, the husband expressed reservations about sharing the announcement with his family. Concerned that his father or brother might inadvertently disclose the secret, he preferred to keep the news under wraps.

The mother-in-law didn't hold back when presented with items like a crib or onesie.

Respecting her husband's decision, OP found herself torn after sharing the joyful revelation with her parents. Despite their strained relationship, the disparity in reactions left her grappling with the notion of potentially robbing the moment from her husband's family, particularly his mother.

"It was my mistake. Ever since [my husband and I] told [my mother-in-law] she has been coming to my house non-stop uninvited," revealed OP. Initially, OP tolerated it, attributing it to the grandmother's anticipated excitement for her first grandchild. However, the situation took a turn as the mother-in-law resumed her critical comments.

The mother-in-law didn't hold back when presented with items like a crib or onesie. "Can you afford that with your teacher's salary... sorry, barista?" she quipped. Another jab followed, "I guess my son's money can be used for something better." The insinuation continued, "If my family is paying for that, we will get something better." Despite OP's attempt to address the issue independently, the verbal assaults persisted.

The breaking point came when the MIL suggested that OP could only invite "three or four people" to her baby shower, with the rest left to the grandmother's discretion. Fed up, OP confronted her, asserting that such interference was unwarranted. OP expressed her frustration, stating she had endured enough insults.

She went further, cautioning that if the mother-in-law didn't change her behavior, she might not even be invited to the baby shower. The confrontation left the mother-in-law fuming, and matters escalated when the husband sided with his wife. While the husband supported OP, opinions among other family members varied.

Some of the husband's aunts and his sister believed OP had overstepped by threatening not to invite the mother-in-law to the baby shower and insisted an apology was due. Aware of her husband's deep connection with his family, OP grappled with the fear of being the catalyst for severed ties.

The Online Reaction

OP's story has racked up immense support online, with most Redditors declaring her "NTA." Here are a few comments worth mentioning: "NTA If you do have stand up to her now, good luck with the next 18 years. I can say this with experience. I didn't stand up and have regretted it for 17 years [sic]," wrote one commenter.

"NTA. Set your boundaries, and expect your husband to support you in maintaining them. Or get ready for MiL to run roughshod over you. Repeatedly," added a second user.

"NTA. If your husband stops speaking to his family again it will be due to their actions, not yours. His mother is rude and a snob. You shouldn't have to tolerate such behavior. She definitely doesn't get to dictate the guest list at your baby shower-- it's not about her. She sounds exhausting, and you definitely [don't] need that in your life, especially now," divulged another user.

Was OP right to stand up to her MIL, who treated her with no respect? What would you do if you were in her place? Click here to read another article about the five instances in which mothers-in-law left their families baffled by their odd actions.