On His 30th Birthday, His Wife Was Diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer – Now He's Raising 3 Kids Alone & Sharing His Story

A father of three and his wife faced the difficult task of preparing their young children for her death. Since her passing, he has continued to keep her memory alive by doing various things.

When CJ Infantino lost the love of his life, he was left to navigate life as a single parent. Here's how his journey took that turn, leading him to raise their three children alone.

Involving the Kids

CJ and Ariana, high school sweethearts who married at 21 and 22, relocated from New York to California's Bay Area after he secured a position at Meta. They spent several years raising their children there until Ariana's life changed drastically. She was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer on her husband's 30th birthday in 2015.

Recognizing the seriousness of the diagnosis, they decided to move back to New York. They wanted Ariana to be closer to her family and to give their children a stable environment amid the inevitable loss.

"We spent the next five-and-a-half years trying to live as much life as we could. We wanted to pack 30 years into 10," CJ recalled. As Ariana's condition worsened, her husband battled overwhelming fear and heartbreak.

"I was scared, broken [sic] and moving into a stage of life I wasn't prepared for," he admitted. His focus shifted solely to caring for Ariana and their children, even as he shut down emotionally to endure the immense pain.

While CJ holds many moments dear, one remains vivid. On September 5, 2020, he and Ariana sat their three children at the kitchen table in their California home. That day, they told them their 35-year-old mother was going to die.

Their youngest, only eight, turned away, his face blank as he looked at his mom sitting in her chair. Meanwhile, their two older children, aged 12 and 10, hugged Ariana, who then had 17 tumors in her brain.

"I actually captured the moment we told them on camera," CJ recalled. After the shocking news, CJ and his children moved to the living room, letting their emotions flow. The kids cried out, "Mommy, no, Mommy, no," their voices were full of heartbreak, while he listened to their anguished pleas for Ariana to stay.

As the evening wore on, the family gradually found some comfort. They pulled themselves together, ordered pizza, and sought a sense of normalcy by watching a stand-up comedy special. Later, they put on Ariana's favorite movie, "Elf."

Reflecting on that night, CJ shared, "Watching the movie felt heavy and sad. I knew it was the last time we would ever get to watch it with her." He described how every moment felt amplified by the weight of imminent loss while thinking if that would be the last time.

Throughout his wife's battle with cancer, the couple remained open with their children. They explained, "Mommy has cancer, and we're going to keep fighting it," involving them in every step, even when it was difficult.

When Ariana anticipated losing her hair due to treatment, they transformed what could have been a traumatic event into a shared family experience. They gathered to pull out her hair and shave her head, easing their fear. Still, tougher moments loomed ahead.

Things Take a Turn

Throughout their marriage, Ariana was the steadfast protector, shielding CJ and their children even as her illness worsened and metastasized to her bones and liver.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, metastatic breast cancer, also known as advanced or Stage IV breast cancer, occurs when cancer spreads from the breast to other parts of the body. While it cannot be cured, treatments aim to improve quality of life and extend survival.

Thanks to advances in medical research, more people are living longer with the disease. Currently, about 170,000 women in the US are living with metastatic breast cancer. Estimates from the US National Cancer Institute projected that around 297,000 women and 2,800 men would be diagnosed with breast cancer in 2023.

Symptoms vary, though not every physical change signals progression. Fatigue, often caused by chemotherapy or radiation therapy, is a common side effect.

Persistent exhaustion, loss of appetite, or unintended weight loss should prompt a conversation with a healthcare provider. Symptoms depend on where the cancer spreads.

• Bones: Sudden joint or bone pain, fractures, numbness or muscle weakness, and swelling
• Brain: Increasing headaches, vision problems like double or blurred vision, seizures, nausea, vomiting, and personality or behavior changes

• Lungs: Chronic cough, shortness of breath, chest pain, and frequent chest infections
• Liver: Jaundice, itchy skin or rashes, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, and decreased appetite

Unfortunately, there is no known way to prevent breast cancer from spreading. It can happen when cancerous cells persist after treatment and travel through the bloodstream or lymphatic system.

CJ recalled a particularly harrowing incident while he was working remotely for Facebook. He remembered hearing a knock at his office door. When he saw Ariana's bloodshot eyes, he knew something was wrong.

As panic set in, she tried to calm him, saying, "Please don't freak out." He replied instantly, "You can't tell me that. That's exactly what I'm going to do."

She then delivered the news, "I need to let you know the cancer has spread again. I tried to get through a spinal biopsy without being put under so you wouldn't have to drive me home from the hospital until I knew what was going on."

As Ariana's health declined, CJ watched helplessly. She entered hospice care at home, where she stayed for five days before passing away, 25 days after they told the children. When she took her last breath, the house fell into profound silence.

In the aftermath, CJ felt isolated, believing few could truly understand his grief. Well-meaning comments from others often fell short, sometimes causing more harm than good.

Reflecting on the universal nature of loss, he wondered, "This is not okay. How do we not know how to handle grief? This has been happening for as long as humanity has existed — people dying, people dying young."

Determined to guide his children, he encouraged open conversations about Ariana. He wanted them to know it was okay to laugh and feel joy amidst the pain. He still remembers the first time he laughed after her death, questioning whether it was allowed, a small but vital step toward healing.

Moving Forward — Keeping Ariana's Memory Alive

After Ariana's death, CJ tried to maintain the traditions they had loved, like sending out annual family Christmas cards. His wife had meticulously kept a list of 250 recipients.

However, over time, he realized continuing the tradition in the same way no longer felt right. "When my wife died, it was hard to comprehend, but I died with her, and I became something new," he reflected.

He came to understand that profound loss strips away one's sense of self. Slowly, CJ and his children began forging new traditions, reshaping their lives as a family of four, a process still unfolding.

In 2021, just a week before their annual family photo shoot, CJ had an idea. "I came to the dinner table and said, 'What if we got a cutout of Mommy?'" he recalled. His suggestion was to have Ariana's cutout haunt the photo shoot, appearing in funny, unexpected ways.

The children loved the idea, and CJ quickly ordered a six-foot-tall cutout of Ariana and had it shipped overnight. A few days later, they arrived at the photo shoot with it, drawing laughter from the photographer.

"It was amazing. We were in a park, and you could see cars slowing down, people trying to figure out what was going on," CJ recounted. Among the many playful shots, he particularly loved one where the family pretended to run away as his youngest unveiled the cutout as if startled by Ariana's sudden appearance.

Another favorite featured the family by a pond, struggling to lift the cutout as though it were incredibly heavy. CJ also cherished a solo photo he took with Ariana's cutout, describing it as goofy and always good for a laugh.

As CJ and his children created these moments, a new vision for the future began to emerge. He left his engineering career to found Hopeless Mope, a clothing brand born from his grief, which quickly grew.

His advocacy efforts also led to change. After sharing his experience with Facebook's former chief operating officer (COO), Sheryl Sandberg, the company introduced a policy granting paid time off for caregivers.

Today, CJ continues his mission through ventures like Unvoiced, which uses storytelling to support grief, foster empathy, and drive societal change. On the business's website, visitors are encouraged to "Wear Your Grief. Speak Without Words."

Describing the apparel, the site notes, "Our apparel is created for those navigating the complex emotions of loss. Whether you're honoring a loved one, advocating for grief visibility, or simply looking for comfort that gets it, this is for you."

Each purchase supports the "free grief community, personal support resources, and real-world conversations that remind us: grief is love, and you're not alone in it." CJ explained, "The core of it is my wife's story — it's everything we went through together, and it's everything she was."

His mission is clear: no one should grieve alone, and grief must be brought out of the shadows to transform how society understands loss and the healing process. While he acknowledges that grief remains a taboo topic, he is determined to change that.

He champions the idea that there is no right way to grieve, only the need to honor what feels right for each family. "It's so hard to grieve and to help your children grieve," he admitted.

His advice to others is both simple and profound, "Be kind to yourself. Know what's right for your family and what works for you, and don't let anyone else tell you what's right or wrong."

Reflecting on his journey, he noted, "As soon as I became a widower, everyone had an opinion about how I should live my life — whether it was right, wrong, good or bad. So, trust yourself." Outside of his advocacy work, CJ continues to honor Ariana's memory on social media.

Paying Tribute to Ariana — Her Final Moments

In a deeply emotional post on January 17, 2024, CJ shared a memory of kneeling beside his wife's bed during her final moments. As she lay there, he approached, body trembling, and asked what she needed.

In a faint whisper, she said, "CJ. It's time." When he sought clarification, Ariana confirmed she was ready and urged him to call their family. Overwhelmed, he stepped away, pacing as he called relatives, waking them to say their goodbyes.

Meanwhile, Ariana and the children exchanged tearful farewells. "I love you guys so much," she told them, as the children sobbed, pleading, "Mommy...no...mommy." As family members arrived, CJ watched from a distance, focusing on everyone else to shield himself from the overwhelming reality.

The night dragged on; his throat burned, and his head throbbed. Eventually, unable to resist the weight of the moment, CJ lay beside her. He continues to remember and to talk about her on social media.

In an October 2024 Instagram post featuring a photo of Ariana, CJ reflected on his grief journey four years after her passing. Initially, he pressured himself to move on quickly, believing he could overcome his grief and return to his former self.

Over time, though, he grew to appreciate how grief had reshaped him. He expressed gratitude for not returning to the person he was before, recognizing the growth that emerged from his loss.

"The person I am now has purpose and holds value in the life that I am living," he shared. CJ acknowledged that losing Ariana closed one chapter but also marked the beginning of another.

"I never thought I would see my grief as a gift, but four years later I am finally seeing a light at the end of the darkness," he wrote.

CJ's journey shows that grief, though heavy and unrelenting, can also become a wellspring of resilience. Through honoring Ariana's memory, he continues to build a life filled with purpose, hope, and healing.