I am married. The man I’m sleeping with is married. I want to tell his wife so I can cut ties completely

Dear AmoMama,

I made a huge mistake, and now I am in a very unpleasant and complicated situation. I've been happily married to my husband for 12 years, but 3 months ago I let myself be drawn into an affair with an extremely attractive and very prominent married man through my work.

Looking back I see what an utterly stupid decision, how selfish, and how much of the attraction I felt for him was sheer vanity.

After a few weeks, the thrill started to fade, and I tried to break it off, but he wouldn't hear of it. He just plain refused to take no for an answer. I told him it was over, finito, and I thought he accepted it, but I was wrong.

He started sending me expensive jewelry on a daily basis, phoning me constantly, sending hundreds of texts. He then started following me when I went out at night with my husband, even managed to run into us 'accidentally' so I was forced to introduce him to my husband.

He then threatened to tell my husband if I didn't start having sex with him again. I spoke to my husband, opened up about it, and by some miracle I don't deserve, he forgave me.

But still, he won't stop. I'm afraid he is spiraling out of control. I don't know what to do. If I get a restraining order against this man his poor wife, whom I've met and like, will be shattered.

I know this mess is of my own making, but I need it to stop, I don't know what to do. Should I speak to this woman, explain what is happening before I ask for a restraining order? Or should I speak frankly to her, ask her to speak to this man, bring him to reason?

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