July 18, 2018

I am married. The man I’m sleeping with is married. I want to tell his wife so I can cut ties completely

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Dear AmoMama,

I made a huge mistake, and now I am in a very unpleasant and complicated situation. I've been happily married to my husband for 12 years, but 3 months ago I let myself be drawn into an affair with an extremely attractive and very prominent married man through my work.

Looking back I see what an utterly stupid decision, how selfish, and how much of the attraction I felt for him was sheer vanity. 

After a few weeks, the thrill started to fade, and I tried to break it off, but he wouldn't hear of it. He just plain refused to take no for an answer. I told him it was over, finito, and I thought he accepted it, but I was wrong.

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He started sending me expensive jewelry on a daily basis, phoning me constantly, sending hundreds of texts. He then started following me when I went out at night with my husband, even managed to run into us 'accidentally' so I was forced to introduce him to my husband.

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He then threatened to tell my husband if I didn't start having sex with him again. I spoke to my husband, opened up about it, and by some miracle I don't deserve, he forgave me.

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But still, he won't stop. I'm afraid he is spiraling out of control. I don't know what to do. If I get a restraining order against this man his poor wife, whom I've met and like, will be shattered.

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I know this mess is of my own making, but I need it to stop, I don't know what to do. Should I speak to this woman, explain what is happening before I ask for a restraining order? Or should I speak frankly to her, ask her to speak to this man, bring him to reason?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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