August 20, 2018

After 35 years of marriage and living together, he told me he was not in love with me anymore

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The following letter has been edited for clarity and coherence.

Dear AmoMama, 

After 30 years of marriage, and living together 35 years before that, and now it's time for me to retire and I heard these words from my husband: "I love you, I care for you but I'm not in love with you." 

I knew then there was more to the story. At this time we had bought our retirement dream home. A 169-acre farm with 8 ponds, a cabin, a big house, and a huge 3 bay garage to start a business in.

We still owned two other small homes, one of which my daughter and two grandsons and son-in-law lived in.

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My daughter is from my first marriage that also ended with cheating and adultery. She was three when I met my last husband. He raised her, was good to her, always provided. Wonderfully memories. Our son born 3 years later, now all grown lives in the cabin.

Well after listening to the sex talk on his phone (I was outside the cabin window) "yes babe, I love you too babe," I went back to the house.

I still had his old cell phone with only 5 things on it. I sent it to forensics and got 56 pages of actual text messages. He was cheating with a married neighbor. I had to prove to my grown-up kids that mom wasn't going crazy or didn't need nerve pills, and is not menopausal.

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I fought the divorce for 18 months and finally say yes. He married her 11 weeks later. Now both of my children are losing their homes, jobs, and inheritance.

I've had to keep working but it is mandatory to retire. Our assets and finances are still not completed 34 months later. How does one do this to his entire family and devastate his wife that did everything for their future?

How do I go on after trusting two men, having a child with each, and both to end up committing adultery? Karma and God.

______________________________________________

Dear Subscriber,

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Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do husbands cheat on loving wives? There are no answers.

Trust is a gift. You give it without knowing if it merited, what will happen, and sometimes after decades, you get a surprise like you did.

Don't give up on trust, don't give up on love. It is what makes life worth living. You may not be ready to fall in love again just yet but open your heart to new friends. Let go of the past, and build yourself a new future.

As far as the financial imbroglio goes, you would be wise to ask for legal advice and get your children to go with you to your lawyer. All your futures are at stake, and you can use their support at this difficult time. 

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Be strong, be happy, be yourself.

Do you agree with our advice? What do you think this subscriber could do to solve her problem?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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