'My brother wants to put our healthy mum into a care facility and I don't think that's okay'

Dear AmoMama,

My 40-year-old brother has been living with my mum his whole life and they are very close. After dad died, mum signed the house over to him and he has been footing all their bills since. Mum saves up her meager pension and remodels in small ways to make the house more modern and comfortable to live in over the years. She does their shopping and laundry, cooks all their meals, and dotes on him completely – he still gets a packed lunch for work!

My brother started a relationship with a woman about a year ago and they seem to be getting quite serious. I think he may even be planning on proposing, which will be wonderful for him because he should settle down. But recently he has started to make comments that mum would be happier among people her own age and flippantly talking about sending her to an old age home where they will be able to care for her properly.

I just don't think it's fair that he can talk about putting her into a care facility so easily while he is enjoying the spoils of her REAL home every day. I also believe his girlfriend may be making these suggestions so she can become the "Woman of the House" because it just doesn't sound like something he would say.

Our mum is a spry 76-year-old and she still does her own home maintenance, even climbing up the ladder to sweep out gutters! She is not yet at an age where she requires round-the-clock care and is the happiest pottering around in her home, but now my brother wants to put our healthy mum into a care facility and I don't think that's okay.

I have tried to suggest that she stay with me for a while thinking he may just need some space, but she brushes me off saying she can't leave him alone because there is nobody at home to care for him. She has mollycoddled him a bit as her last born, there was a 9-year gap between us, and I think he may be feeling smothered and wants to be free.

I don't have the heart to tell her that he is talking about shipping her off and her best bet would be to move in with my family. I don't think she'll be able to deal with that – he is her precious baby after all.

Even though the house is technically his, it is the home she lived in for 50 years with our dad and the place she raised her children. She has always maintained that she will die there. I don't want to offend my brother or cause a family feud, I just want mum to be happy and comfortable until her last days. She may even choose to live with me if he gets married, but I want her to make the choice for herself and not be pushed into it.

How do I convince my brother that putting mum into an old age home is not what's best for her?

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