'Nothing I say or do now will convince my husband that I am faithful'

Dear AmoMama,

Two months ago, I made a terrible mistake. I was away on a team-building exercise for work and a colleague and I had too much to drink on the third evening leading us to end up in bed together.  

I immediately felt ashamed the next day and stayed out of his way for the rest of the trip. Luckily he doesn't share an office with me so I don't have to see him every day or make awkward conversation. I've never met his wife and I don't know if he told her.

freepik

freepik

I told my husband what happened immediately when I got home. I was remorseful and begged for his understanding. I cannot quit my job because we need the money.

But I agreed to marriage counseling, I vowed to never go on another work trip, I have removed all men from my social media accounts, and I don't even make eye contact with our neighbors nor even the garbage man, but he still doesn't trust me.

But nothing I say or do will convince my husband that I am faithful. He looks at me with such disgust. He hasn't touched me since I got back from the trip.

I can feel his disappointment and his pain and it hurts me deeply to know that I have caused this but I don't know how to fix it or convince him that he can trust me.

freepik

freepik

Before this incident, we had been happily married for 5 years. We chose not to have children because we wanted to build our careers and travel and make the most of our lives together.

We had a healthy sex life and my husband always uses a condom because I react badly to hormone injections and pills.

freepik

freepik

My period is late. I don't know what to do about it. My husband is barely speaking to me and I don't think this news will help. The baby is probably not his and keeping it is not even an option for me. 

I made a mistake while drunk. Do I have to pay for it forever? I just want us to forget any of this ever happened and move on with our perfect life. We can still have everything we dreamed about if he would only forgive me. What can I do to make him understand?

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