'My brother-in-law trashes the house and sends his mom pics to prove I'm a bad wife'

Dear AmoMama,

My husband's teenage brother messes up every room after I clean. If my husband or I try to discipline him about anything, like leaving the milk out, throwing a damp towel on the floor, having girls in his room, smoking weed, literally anything, my brother-in-law trashes the house and sends his mom pics to prove I'm a bad wife.

He is 16 years old and was thrown out of his mom's house for smoking weed. He's a nice kid some of the time. At other times, when he's high or drunk, he is an absolute pain to have around.

He tells tall tales that I'm having an affair or I don't cook or that my husband has to do all the housework just to get his mom riled up so she fights with hubby and me. It's his deflection strategy and my mother-in-law falls for it every time.

When he's being nice, or maybe he's just clean, he can whip up a 5-course meal, puts locally cut flowers on the dinner table every day, tells us how happy he is to stay with us and how much he appreciates being given a second chance.

A week later, we come home to find our TV missing and our curtains cut up, our books burnt, and all the bedrooms messed up. I don't know if he does that to look for attention or to look for money and valuables to steal.

My husband says he thinks his little brother is on something stronger than weed - maybe something that alters his personality and gives him mood swings. I don't know, I'm just a motel manager and not qualified to assess him.

Whenever we mention him seeing someone, a psychiatrist or something, he goes into one of his destructive rages and is a monster to have around for a few days.

My husband says we only have to keep him while he's a minor and after that, he's on his own. I don't think it's fair that he's become our responsibility when his own mom is still alive.

My mother-in-law has no problem telling us what a bad job we're doing of taking care of him but refuses to have him back saying she's scared of him and she can't manage.

To tell the truth, I don't ever come home early or take time off from work because I don't feel safe alone in the apartment with him. I just don't know which personality will make an appearance and I rather not take the chance.

I want my house back. I want my life back. I want to have a baby. I can't have any of this with him here and there's no guarantee he will leave when he turns 18 either.

I have known this kid since he was pre-K and I adored him, but the love has grown thin over the past year. I wish he would move out of our house. I love my husband, but enough is enough. Should I give them an ultimatum? What would you do?

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