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'I used to weigh 300-lbs, but since I've lost weight, I am unable to be faithful to any man'

Razia Meer
Aug 30, 2018
10:54 A.M.

Dear AmoMama,

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I used to be quite heavy-set when I was in my twenties, and my self-esteem was at its absolute lowest at the time. I used to weigh 300-lbs, but since I've lost weight, I am unable to be faithful to any man.

I was fat-shamed all through high school and rejected by every boy I ever had a crush on. Since losing weight, I had to have a gastric bypass for the sake of my health, men seem to find me attractive and even strangers compliment me.

I used to be the 'fat girl' that nobody wanted but now men call me a Queen. The thing is, I may have lost the weight but my insecurity and self-esteem issues haven't disappeared. I still feel like the fat kid on the school bus that nobody would sit next to.

Source: Freepik

Source: Freepik

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Getting male attention has proven to be addictive. I literally would do anything for a compliment. The only time I don't feel hideous and unlovable is during sex. So I have a lot of it. With anyone who gives me the time of day.

I allow random men to do whatever they want with me if only it means that for a couple of hours I have their undivided attention. I don't have any rules or make any demands and a lot of times; it's completely unprotected.

I feel pathetic and disgusting after the man of the hour has left and immediately start looking for someone else to fill the gap. I don't even remember their names and most times they don't come back for seconds.

Source: Freepik

Source: Freepik

I tell myself that I have no self-respect, but I also have no self-restraint. I try to stop, I know I could end up with HIV or something, but I just don't have the willpower.

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I have tried to be in a serious monogamous relationship, but as soon as he stops stroking my ego by telling me I'm beautiful or calling me sexy, I just end up looking for attention from another man or men and ruin everything with casual one-night stands in endless motel rooms.

Source: Freepik

Source: Freepik

The thing is, I don't even get sexual pleasure from these encounters. I just do it to pretend I am wanted and to feel worthy. I am so ashamed of who I have become. How do I stop this unhealthy behavior before it kills me?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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