I know this may sound terrible but, I’m tired of my kid, and she’s only two-years-old. I wasn’t planning on becoming a mom at such a young age. I wanted to enjoy life, graduate, get the dream job, maybe travel around the world and then get to know a nice guy, get married and have kids…in that order.
I took a break after high school to enjoy my youth, so I was 24 and still halfway to get my college degree when I got pregnant. I was okay with it even though it messes with my plans; I’m mature enough to accept that I made my bed and I had to lie in it.
My kid’s father was not the man I expected, he didn’t want to take responsibility, so I left him, and I’m raising my daughter by myself while rebuilding my life as a single mom. However, I had to move in with my mom because I didn’t have the means to maintain us all alone. We’ve been here for a year now.
My girl will be turning three in February next year, and I have to confess there are times when I hide from her because she gets handsy, always wanting to climb on my lap and clawing at me. I know she wants my attention as every kid does with their mom, but sometimes I feel like I’ve become just a “mom,” like my mind and body don’t belong to me and everything I do, or think, is with her in mind.
I’ve lost sight of what is like to live without being a mom. My daughter will start yelling and hit me so she can get a reaction out of me when I snap she laughs, and it makes me feel like I’m doing a terrible job as a mom. Then I start crying because the stress of trying to finish college while being an unemployed mom is getting on my nerves.
I really don’t have emotional support. My mother only offers me a roof, which I’m grateful for, but she’s not really a comforting individual. I’m just so tired. I haven’t had a day all by myself in almost three years.
I’m tired of waking up every morning to the same routine, of driving to school, of scolding and cleaning after her. My daughter is high maintenance and highly sensitive, I know it doesn’t sound like it, but I’ll give it all for her. I love her, and I’m happy to have her, but these days I think I’m losing myself and I don’t really know what to do to fix this.
I could use some words of advice from you guys.
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January 27, 2019