Top 5 jokes about modern medicine as it is

We've all heard the old adage: Laughter is the best medicine, but in this case, medicine gets the final laugh.

What you wish you could say….

Two doctors and a Health Maintenance Organization manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates.

One of the doctors steps forward and tells St. Peter: “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter lets him in.

The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter tells him to go inside.

The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care.”

St. Peter replies: “You may enter. But,” he adds, “you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell.”

Music therapy

A man and his rock band were playing a concert at the psychiatric hospital where he worked as a musical therapist.

The audience was a little too quiet for his taste, so the guitarist decided to do something about it. He grabbed the microphone, pointed to the group and yelled, “Are you ready to get a little crazy?”

How did you guess?

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands.

Once she comes back they go for it. Once they finish, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.

She confirms and asks how he knew.

“Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”

She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”

Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”

Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”

Сountdown

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.

“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.

“10…” says the doctor.

“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.

“10…9…8…7…”

Time

Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."

Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."

Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."

Patient: "24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?"

Doctor: "I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday."

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You know what they say: A giggle a day keeps the doctor away.