February 20, 2019

Grandma was asked to be a witness in court and her responses were hilarious

Share this pen


If laughter is the best medicine, then start of your day on the right track by reading a good joke or two. 

Grannies are loveable and always up for an adventure, and these two are no exception. 


In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, senior woman to the stand.

Witness swearing on bible in court. Image Shutterstock


He approached her and asked: "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded: 

"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked: "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

Witness stand in court. Image credit: Pixabay


She again replied: "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".

The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and, in a very quiet voice, said:

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

Angry judge with a hammer and a wig, holding legal tomes. Image credit: Shutterstock



A woman gets called to court for shoplifting. When it's her turn to speak, the judge asked if she stole from the grocery store. She confirms that she did. 

He asks what did she steal, and the woman replies: "A can of peaches, Your Honor. Curious about the incident, the judge asks how many peaches were in the can. 

A can of peaches. Image credit: Shutterstock


The woman replies there were six peaches in the can. Based on that, the judge decides that she'll spend six days in the jail. 

The judge was about to adjourn the court when the woman's husband pipes up from the back of the courtroom: 

"Uh, Your Honor? I think she stole a can of peas as well."

Via: Reddit.