February 25, 2019
We can all do with a good joke every once in a while. It's good for our mental and emotional wellbeing and will keep us in good spirits.
In this week's collection of our favorite jokes, we look at the adventures of a husband and wife who cleaned out their attic.
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.
The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked his wife, but she didn't think it was very likely.
However, Arnold still thought it was worth a try. He took the ticket, went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed and said calmly: "They'll be ready next Thursday."
A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof – the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the fairy picked up her wand and poof – the husband was 90.
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"
The husband said, "No sweetie."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would"
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
And the husband replied, "No, she's left-handed."
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench, sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said:
“I have a 22-year-old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit, and freshly ground coffee.”
I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” The old man said that she also makes him homemade soup for lunch and his favorite brownies.
Then she cleans the house and watches sports on the TV with him for the rest of the afternoon.
I said, “Well, why are you crying?” The old man replied that she makes him a gourmet meal for dinner, complete with wine and his favorite dessert.
Then, they make love until the wee hours of the mornings. I still couldn't understand what was wrong and asked him again: “Well, why in the world would you be crying?”
He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
February 06, 2019