Man Shares Hilariously Awkward Story of Why He Fired His Secretary
When you make a conscious decision to do something wrong and then you get caught out for it, who should carry the burden of the blame?
In this fictitious funny story, a man feeling a little let down makes some poor life choices that really turn out terribly for all concerned.
I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, "I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it.
So I showered and shaved, knowing that when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear."
All smiles, I went down to breakfast, and there sat my wife reading her newspaper as usual. She didn't say one word.
So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me."
There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going to miss the bus!" They said nothing about my big day. Not a word.
Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile and a cheerful "Happy birthday, boss." She then offered to get me some coffee.
Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better. Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?"
Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?"
So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch. We started driving back to town when my secretary said,
"Why don't we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini."
It sounded like a good idea since we didn't have much to do in the office. So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis.
Then she said, "If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she left the room. After a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake.
Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.
Oops. That escalated rather quickly! In another funny story, a woman is looking for a new husband after coming up empty three times by getting married to the wrong types.
Husband number one was abusive and beat her repeatedly. The woman finally gathered her courage and ran away from him toward a better life.
But husband number two turned out to have a wandering eye, and while not physically abusive, his wanderlust soon got the better of him and he abandoned her when she least expected it.
Husband number three appeared to adore her completely and they would have been very happy except for the small problem of him not being able to satisfy her in bed.
So she put an ad in the paper for husband number four and a man in a wheelchair rung her doorbell. She was a little ambivalent about him, but he pointed out the pros of dating him very quickly.The quadriplegic told her that he didn't have much mobility in his arms or legs so he "could not hit her or abandon her. The woman was happy with his response, except for one concern: "Are you good in bed?"
The man smiled and calmly replied that even though he couldn't use his arms and legs: "I could still ring the bell."