Retired people have a lot of time on their hands. And if they've worked hard during their prime, a pension to spend as well. Here are some hilarious retirement jokes.
A woman named Claire was spending her retirement days going from town to town looking for antique stores and a good bargain. She had spent her life in business and was rather good at striking a deal.
One morning, Claire went to an antique shop in Stratford upon Avon, England. She walked in and was skimming through the items. After a while, the store owner showed up and asked if she could help her.
A map with marks on specific locations. | Source: Unsplash
"If there's anything specific you're looking for, I could point you straight to it," the store owner said. Claire paused her gaze at the items and said, "I already know what I want. I was just looking for anything new."
The store owner quickly jumped and tried to make a deal. "What is it that you want? I'm sure we can come to a good deal," she said. Claire nodded and told her what she wanted.
An antique shop display. | Source: Unsplash
"When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I would like to buy it," she said. The store owner shook her head and said, "Sorry, but I can't possibly sell it to you."
Claire was taken aback by the response. She asked the owner why was the item in her store if it wasn't for sale. The owner smiled and said, "Because that's my husband, you just described."
Here's another joke about three retired men who went to see a therapist. Three elderly men, Eddie, Jenkin, and Martin, went to see a therapist for their memory problem.
It was a surprise that they remembered their appointment. Once they were there, the doctor started asking them questions as a part of the memory test.
Two old men talking. | Source: Unsplash
First, he asked a question to Eddie, "What is five times five?" Without hesitation, Eddie replied, "191." The doctor rolled his eyes and asked the same question to Jenkin.
Jenkin looked over at Eddie, smirked, and said, "That's easy Wednesday." The doctor almost slapped himself after hearing the answer but moved to Martin.
He asked the same question to Martin as well. Martin chuckled while he looked at the other guys and said, "Twenty five." The doctor was surprised that he got the answer right.
The doctor told Martin that his answer was correct. Martin already had a smile on his face, but the doctor added to his statement and asked, "How did you get it right?"
Martin dramatically brushed his shoulder and said, "It's simple maths doctor. You just subtract 191 from Wednesday."
Here's another joke about a 90-year-old man who went to the doctor for a checkup.