April 21, 2020
We expect that lawyers make absurd amounts of money in one day. Sometimes, it's the small but necessary jobs that bring in the real dough.
One day, an esteemed lawyer returned from work to find his wife crying due to a leaking sink.
He rested down his suitcase and took off his clean business suit. He then tried to fix the sink himself.
After quite some time, the man finally realizes he can't do the job and decides to phone a maintenance man.
The plumber arrives and within three moves he fixes the sink. When he's done, he tells the lawyer, "That will be $95."
The lawyer is outraged. He can't believe he has to pay $95 for no more than five minutes of work.
Because of his status, though, he knows he has to pay and gives the maintenance man the fee.
The lawyer is still appalled by the price. "It's absurd!" he screams out of anger.
"I'm a top lawyer in town and not even I can make $95 in less than five minutes of work!"
The maintenance man shrugs before responding, "Honestly, I didn't either when I was a lawyer."
One day, a moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist asks, "What's the problem today, buddy?"
The moth answers: "Where do I even begin? My job is the worst. After 20 years of giving him my all, I feel like my boss doesn't know I exist.
"My marriage is a big joke. Some days I'll look over at my wife and feel like I barely know her. My own son thinks I'm a clown.
"What I'm saying is, I just feel like nothing ever goes my way. I can't catch a break!"
The podiatrist finally responds, "Wow moth. It sounds like you've got a lot of issues to sort out. But you seem to need a psychiatrist, not a podiatrist. Why'd you come here?"
The moth replies: "Well because the light was on."
One day, a man was dragged to the cinema by his wife who wanted to watch a romantic comedy.
Half an hour into the film, the man felt a nudge in his elbow. "What an outrage," his wife murmured to him.
"The person sitting in front of us is sleeping!" the woman said, clearly offended.
Meanwhile, her husband was fairly annoyed.
He replied: "You mean, you woke me up to tell me that?"
December 29, 2019