logo
 Shutterstock.com
Shutterstock.com

Daily Joke: Woman Called the Local Newspaper

Pedro Marrero
Dec 25, 2020
12:20 P.M.

The old widow in today’s #jokeoftheday, wanted to save every possible dollar when she had to pay the local newspaper for a funeral notice, and she figured she could take care of two things with a single message.

Advertisement

An elderly woman called the local newspaper following the unfortunate passing of her husband, Mr. Cohen. She asked the newspaper’s phone operator how much a funeral notice was going to cost her.

“It’s $5 per word, Ma’ am,” said the newspaper’s employee to the old lady on the other side of the phone. “Good,” replied the woman, eager to go straight to the point of her business, “Do you have a paper and pencil at hand?”

A man reading the newspaper. | Image: Pixabay.

A man reading the newspaper. | Image: Pixabay.

“Yes, Ma’am,” answered the newspaper employee, and he waited for the woman’s words. “Ok, write this: ‘Cohen died.” Shocked by the woman’s short notice, the employee said: “I’m sorry, Ma’am, I forgot to tell you there’s a five-word minimum.”

“Oh,” the recent widow said after an uncomfortable moment of silence. “You certainly did forget to tell me that…” She continued before asking the man once again, “got your pencil and paper?”

Advertisement

“Ok, this is what you’re going to print then,” said the old woman decisively, after mentally calculating the cost of the exact amount of words, for a total of $25, “’Cohen died, Cadillac for sale.’”

AN OLD COUPLE VISIT THE DOCTOR

An elderly husband and wife had an appointment with their doctor on the same day, which they had scheduled in order to get their annual examination ahead of a planned vacation together.

After examining the husband first, the doctor addressed him, saying, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

Advertisement

“In fact, I do. After I make love to my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I make love to my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly,” said the old man.

“This is very interesting. Let me do some research and get back to you,” were the doctor’s words before asking the wife to go inside his office to be examined by him as well.

After examining the old man’s wife, the doctor addressed her, saying, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

The lady said no, so the doctor asked, “Your husband claimed that he is hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why this is?”

Advertisement

“Oh that old buzzard!” replied the elderly woman, suddenly enraged at her husband, “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December.”

If you liked these two jokes and you still need another laugh to help you go through the day and relieve some stress, click here to read about a woman who heard a knock at her door and received terrible news.

Advertisement
info
Please fill in your e-mail so we can share with you our top stories!
By subscribing, you agree to our Privacy Policy
Advertisement
Related posts

At Her Husband's Funeral, Woman Leans to Kiss Him for the Last Time and Sees Him Blinking — Story of the Day

April 03, 2024

Husband Charges Own Wife, a Mom of 3, $900 after He Spent Six Hours Deep Cleaning Their House

February 01, 2024

Whoopi Goldberg Survived Scandalous Breakup with Ex – Her Alleged Billionaire Boyfriend Was Revealed by Her Granddaughter

April 30, 2024

Liam Neeson’s Son Daniel Remembers Mom Natasha Richardson on Her 15th Death Anniversary

March 20, 2024

Sisters’ Relationship Shatters after They Discover a Hidden Door — Story of the Day

February 05, 2024

At Husband's Funeral Wife Meets a Woman with His Baby in Her Arms – Story of the Day

April 30, 2024

Old Lady Thinks Her Husband Died in Fire, Years Later She Accidentally Sees Him with Young Woman — Story of the Day

May 12, 2024

At Husband's Funeral Wife Meets a Woman with His Baby in Her Arms – Story of the Day

February 01, 2024

My Daughters Exposed My Stepdaughter’s Diary on Facebook - I Taught Them a Proper Lesson

March 22, 2024

Woman Buys Old House for Suspiciously Low Price Then Notices Neighbors Fearing Her — Story of the Day

March 13, 2024

'Why Did You Give Birth to Me?' Boy Is Ashamed of Old Mom Until He Learns He's Not Her Son — Story of the Day

April 17, 2024

Waiter Feeds Disabled Child So Tired Mom Can Finish Her Meal, Finds $10K Check on Table Later — Story of the Day

February 26, 2024

Richard Simmons’ Tragic Destiny — Fitness Star Broke Silence on Diagnosis That Forced Him to Disappear

March 21, 2024

Colleagues Mock Young Nursing Home Worker for Becoming Attached to an Elderly Lady – Story of the Day

April 01, 2024