Daily Joke: Instruction on How to Give a Pill to a Cat
Giving your cat a pill can be a difficult task, but here are a few tips to consider while struggling to give your little pet a pill. Try out the following instructions.
1. Raise the cat and hold it in the crook of your left arm as though it was a baby. Keep the right forefinger and thumb on any side of the cat's mouth and calmly put pressure on her cheeks while holding the pill in the right hand.
As the cat opens her mouth, quickly throw the pill into her mouth and allow the cat to close the mouth and swallow.
2. As you would imagine, get the pill from the floor and pick your cat from behind the sofa. Gently cradle your cat in your left arm and repeat the process.
3. You will need a new pill from the foil wrap. Afterward, cradle your cat in your left arm, hold her rear paws lightly with your left hand and force her jaws open and push the pill right into her might with your forefinger, and hold her mouth shut for a few seconds.
4. Get down on the floor with your cat placed firmly in between your knees and hold her front and rear paws. Ignore the emotional growls emitted by the cat. Get someone to hold the cat's head tightly with one hand while forcing a wooden ruler into her mouth. Pick the pill down the ruler and rub the cat's throat.
5. Get the cat from the curtain rail and pick another pill from foil wrap. Make plans to replace your ruler and also fix your curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set them to one side for gluing later.
6. Put the cat in a big towel and ask your partner to lie on the cat's head with only the cat's head visible from the armpit. Place the pill at the end of a drinking straw and try and get the cat's mouth open and force the pill in.
7. Look at the label to ensure the pill is not harmful to humans. Take a sip of beer to get the taste off your mouth. Apply Band-Aid to your partner's forearm and take off blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind it firmly to the leg of the dining table. Go to your shed and get some heavy pruning gloves. Be hard about pushing the pill into the cat's mouth with a large piece of fillet steak.
Hold her head in a vertical position and pour 2 pints of water down the cat's throat to wash down the pill.
9. Drink up the remaining scotch. Ask your partner to take you to the A&E and quietly endure while the doctor stitches fingers and forearm and also take off the pill from your eye. Also, remember to call the furniture shop on your way home to get a new table.
10. Finally, make plans for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and call any local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
Loved the joke? You can read another joke about a cat that went to heaven.
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