September 29, 2021
A mom-of-two patiently put up with her mother's announced visits but not until she was diagnosed with cancer. Unable to take more of her mother's overbearing antics, the woman asked her to get out of her house.
Cutting someone out of your life is a painful and difficult decision to make. But if that person is your parent, the decision can be tough to process. One Redditor decided it was time her overbearing mother learned what boundaries are as she'd kept bothering the family over the pretext of coffee.
Working from home meant constant interruptions as the Redditor had two kids to tend to. Meanwhile, her mother added to the equation with her unannounced visits. Though the mom remained calm over her mother's antics, things changed for the worse when she was diagnosed with cancer the same day her mother paid another uninvited visit.
BOOTING PARENTS IS OFTEN A COLD DECISION
Reddit user gwenixia had just discovered she had cancer when her mom stormed into her house invited. “My mother lives a few blocks away… I’ve spoken to her about not coming over uninvited, which she has totally ignored,” the Original Poster (OP) explained, adding:
“I had a lump in my breast tested a while back and i found out today that I have cancer. So I'm sitting on the couch, breastfeeding, crying and trying to finish my shift while my partner is simultaneously trying to comfort me and leave to go pick up our oldest from school when my mother attacks the door.”
The Redditor explained that she lost it and told her mother to get out of their house. Her mother just came over uninvited because she wanted to have a decent cup of coffee. She then called the user "dramatic" for her angry outburst.
NEVER BULLY YOUR GRANDCHILDREN
Parents and children live many years in a relationship with the parents usually in charge. Often, they find it challenging to give up that construct and slowly launch their nagging. In one such scenario, a single dad of two had no choice but to ask his parents to leave after they bullied his kids.
“They would both always comment (to me) about their behaviors and hobbies with comments such as “He’s not very manly” or “that’s not very ladylike” and other such comments. I have expressed my dislike towards them,” the dad explained on Reddit.
As relationship experts put it, people need to watch what they say to their parents and kids. Parents should be open to being honest and set boundaries with their adult kids. If not, the situation could become worse. In some cases, parents are asked to leave despite being honest and humble with their kids.
CARING MOM OUSTED BY DAUGHTER WHO TOOK HER PROPERTY
A befitting example of this would be Queensland native Varina Quinn’s homelessness after her daughter banned her. The caring mom gifted a house to her daughter Rachel and was eventually kicked out less than a year later. “I was there for less than a year before she threw me out,” Quinn stated, adding:
“I didn’t take anything with me. She wanted me to leave immediately. So, she has all my possessions as well...I feel like I’ve lost my daughter and my home.”
According to a report in The New York Times, daughters have claimed to sacrifice their careers to tend to their aging parents. Around 15 percent of women and 13 percent of men aged 25 to 54 years spend time caring for an older relative, mainly their parents. Nevertheless, some adult children never hesitate to show their parents the exit.
SOME PARENTS FACE PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
When an aging parent’s health is deteriorating, good communication can help streamline the relationship. However, some kids end up booting their parents after a significant grappling, probably a property. An elderly couple from New Zealand tasted unpredicted torment after their daughter kicked them out of their home.
As Laura Carstensen, a psychology professor at Stanford University, puts it: “Many people struggle as they witness an age-related decline in their parents’ functioning.” Experts say that aging is a stressful transition when adult kids begin to see their parents less as caregivers and more as dependents.
INTERFERING IN YOUR ADULT CHILD’S PERSONAL CHOICES IS A BAD IDEA
There is a fine line between caring and controlling, but parents and their adult children often disagree on where it is. Parents need to stop manipulating and turning the situation in their favor, as was the case with another Redditor who ousted his mom for gaslighting his son against him.
“I found her instigating my son against me and constantly telling him not to take me seriously and if I say “no” he should just insist more and he’ll get what we want. It got too much. Therefore, I told her to either stop interfering in my personal choices on raising my son, or she’s welcome to leave my house,” he explained.
When adult children make choices that don’t align with their parents’ values, the parents would often feel they never raised their kids that way. They usually have trouble acknowledging that adult children are responsible for developing their moral compasses, claim experts.
“GET HER OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT”
A person once posted a relatable question on a Quora forum mentioning misunderstandings with their mother that eventually gave her 30 days’ notice to get out of the house. Family counselors like Mark Williams were quick in answering that question, mostly siding with the person.
“If she didn’t wear the label “mother,” this would be an easy decision. Remove the label and look at what she has done for you and against you throughout your life. But either way, get her out of your apartment,” Mark advised.
Moments like this can be difficult to refine, especially when parents overstep their boundaries or the adult kids feel this way. These moments often indicate a gap between how parents view the world and how their kids perceive it.
In reality, people have the same ability to be nurturing, incredible, and supportive parents. But on the flip side, they can also be abusive, neglectful, and destructive parents. Ultimately, it’s essential to create boundaries with a toxic parent before things steer out of control.
Though dealing with a toxic parent is taxing and traumatic, establishing mental and emotional boundaries might help resolve the issue, claim experts. Again, there have been instances of parents being ousted by their kids over property disputes or financial reasons.
A quick scroll through the internet gives insight into parents kicking their adult children out of the house, but some adult kids have started to do the same to their parents. Both can have long-term consequences. What did you think about this article? Please leave a comment and let us know. Thanks for reading!
September 10, 2021