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flickr.com/CC BY 2.0/ by ryanrocketship
Source: flickr.com/CC BY 2.0/ by ryanrocketship

Mom Forbids Parents to See Their Grandkids, Demands They Divorce to Overturn the Ultimatum

Daniella Segell
Jul 15, 2022
04:00 P.M.
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For most people, their relationship with their parents is one of the closest you can find. However, for many others, their relationship with their parents is nothing less than complicated and sometimes even unpleasant.

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The latter is the case in today's story, where a woman had to give her parents an ultimatum that neither she nor they were happy about. This came after the woman could no longer handle years of going back and forth.

This young woman had to tell her parents that unless they took drastic measures, they would not be allowed to see their grandchildren anymore as she had asked them to try other solutions for a while, which they hadn't done.

A young woman struggles to listen to her parents fight | Source: Shutterstock

A young woman struggles to listen to her parents fight | Source: Shutterstock

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DAMAGE IS DONE

While most people dream for children to have a good relationship with their grandparents, this woman's parents made it impossible for her to let her children build relationships with their grandparents.

The original poster mentioned that she was conceived when her parents were both 17 years old and had only been dating for a year. The pair decided that because they had a baby on the way, it was best for them to get married.

However, she mentioned that because her mom and dad were so young when her mom fell pregnant with her, they often found it difficult to get along and had told her the only reason they got married was because of her.

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Teenage couple finds out that they're expecting a baby | Source: Shutterstock

Teenage couple finds out that they're expecting a baby | Source: Shutterstock

While the woman didn't enjoy hearing this, she accepted it as a fact of her life and became used to her parents' bickering throughout her life. However, when she had her children, she realized something needed to change.

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The Original Poster (OP) said her parents had spent their lives separating and getting back together. Her dad would move out for a short period until he returned, and they would act like a couple again for a while before separating.

She then said that just before she gave her parents the ultimatum, they had been together for eight whole months, and neither of her parents had phoned her to complain about the other, which they usually did.

A young couple after an argument | Source: Shutterstock

A young couple after an argument | Source: Shutterstock

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Because of this long spell of her parents being on seemingly good terms, she decided that she could ask them to look after her children, aged six and eight, for an entire weekend without worrying about them fighting. She said:

"[I] figured things had calmed down a bit for them."

DOING IT FOR THE CHILDREN

The woman said that her parents almost got divorced when she was 22. But soon after, she fell pregnant with her first baby, and they decided that it would be best for them to stay together for the sake of their grandchildren.

A little girl runs toward her grandfather | Source: Shutterstock

A little girl runs toward her grandfather | Source: Shutterstock

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She then mentioned that she was divorced, and this had only reinforced her parents' idea that they should be the ones to stay together so that their grandchildren could see them as a couple. However, this was not the best solution for the family.

The OP left her children with her parents for the weekend, hoping for the best. Yet when she picked them up, she realized nothing had changed between her parents, who were still fighting just as much as before.

Her children told her they had not had a good weekend with their grandparents because all they did was fight the entire time they were there, which led the woman to believe she had no choice but to issue them an ultimatum.

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THE ULTIMATUM

She told her parents that unless they took drastic measures, she would not allow them to see her or her children again as it was not suitable for any of them to witness the constant fighting. Her parents did not take this well.

Older couple involved in an argument | Source: Shutterstock

Older couple involved in an argument | Source: Shutterstock

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The OP then asked if she was in the wrong for issuing her parents with the ultimatum of either getting divorced or not seeing their grandchildren, as she had often asked them to seek counseling and other forms of therapy. Still, they had refused to do so every time.

Commenters came to the woman's defense, saying that she was not in the wrong in saying that her parents could not see her children but that she could not demand that they get a divorce. Some went as far as to outline the boundaries the woman could set.

Could they have put their differences aside for one weekend while their grandchildren were with them?

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Mother and daughter involved in an argument | Source: Shutterstock

Mother and daughter involved in an argument | Source: Shutterstock

One commenter said that while expecting her parents to get a divorce was unreasonable, she could set firm boundaries to protect her and her children from her parents' arguments:

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"'Get divorced' is not a boundary. 'No arguments in front of my children, which means you see them separately from one another,' is a healthy boundary."

However, other commenters believed that asking her parents to get a divorce was a reasonable request as she made it a condition of seeing her grandchildren, which gave her parents a choice about what they wanted to do.

Woman and mother arguing | Source: Shutterstock

Woman and mother arguing | Source: Shutterstock

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Questions to Ponder:

  • Do you think that these grandparents behaved appropriately in front of their grandchildren? Or could they have put their differences aside for one weekend while their grandchildren were with them? Grandparents are traditionally seen as those people in a child's life who provide all the love and safety a child could need, as well as all the fun.
  • What would you do in this situation? Would you ask your parents to get a divorce before they could see their grandchildren again? Or do you think that simply drawing firmer boundaries would be sufficient? Familial relationships can always be tricky, and when kids are thrown into the mix, everything becomes even more complicated.
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