I Broke My Deathbed Promise to My Wife Regarding Her Daughter with Down Syndrome, but I Had No Choice

A man felt terrible having to break his deathbed promise to his wife after she struggled with cancer. He became the sole caregiver of his 30-year-old stepdaughter, who had Down syndrome.

After acknowledging he could no longer care for his 30-year-old stepdaughter the way his wife wanted him to, a distressed man made the difficult decision to break his deathbed promise to his wife. He wrote about his situation on Reddit, where he got some much-needed assurance from users.

When the man entered his wife's life, she already had a young child with Down syndrome. From an early age, they realized that the child would never be able to live independently or control her emotional impulses.

The man had been in his stepdaughter's life since she was five years old. He had always been afraid of the time his stepdaughter was old enough to become violent.

His Stepdaughter Grew Up to be Violent

True enough, that day eventually came. His stepdaughter punched, kicked, threw, and scratched. They could no longer have friends over after that because they were all afraid.

One of his wife's friends said that she felt safer inside a house with vicious dogs than inside their home with his stepdaughter. They had to isolate themselves, but the woman was willing to do everything for her daughter.

The man found himself in the hospital several times. She'd attempted to pound his head, throw objects at him, and choke him while he was asleep.

It was always just his wife that could calm her daughter down. Even caregivers who were used to dealing with patients with Down syndrome couldn't figure his stepdaughter out.

When his wife was diagnosed with cancer, the first thing that left her mouth was her daughter's name. She cried for days, fearing what would become of her daughter once she died.

Even when the doctors said chemotherapy wasn't feasible, she tried to push it. She even fought through alternative medicine, even if it made her feel worse.

Ultimately, his wife admitted that if her daughter didn't have the condition, she wouldn't have fought so hard. On her deathbed, she asked her husband to promise her one thing: not to leave her daughter at a state care facility.

"I promised her because I didn't have the heart not to," the man admitted. Two months later, when the grief fog had cleared, he noticed that his stepdaughter was the same.

His Stepdaughter Couldn't Believe the Truth

She could not comprehend that her mother was dead. She only understood that her mom was gone and was angry at her stepdad for it.

The man's stepdaughter told him she'd be good if it meant he could bring back her mom. She became more and more challenging to handle, and it led him to the decision to bring her to a state facility.

It wasn't the man's first choice. However, he admittedly wasn't rich and could not afford caregivers. If he was being honest with himself, he also resented having to spend his money on his stepdaughter.

Even with his wife leaving him everything she had, the best option was really to put his stepdaughter into a facility. He could not afford anything better.

Internet Users Weigh In on The Situation

After informing his family about his decision, they called him an "evil stepdad and a mother's worst nightmare." He asked people on the internet whether he was wrong for doing so, giving him clarity on the situation.

"You sound like a very compassionate person, but this isn't sustainable. The kind thing is to find her a good place," one user shared. "This may be your wife’s worst nightmare, but her expectations for her daughter were wholly unrealistic, as your post makes clear," said another.

Was the man right to break his deathbed promise to his wife? What would you have done in his place?

Caring for those with Down syndrome can be a challenge. However, people do anything and everything for their loved ones with developmental disabilities, as they are very much a part of the family like everybody else.

Here is another story about orphan siblings, who run from a shelter to save their brother with Down syndrome.