Am I Wrong for Telling My Pregnant Wife I Would Choose My Mom over Her?

A man faced an emotional dilemma between the impending birth of his first child and his mother's terminal illness and was thrust into a heart-wrenching choice by his wife. As tensions escalated, he made a difficult decision, leaving his home in the aftermath. Seeking guidance, he turned to Reddit with a lingering question: AITA?

On January 1, 2024, an anonymous male contributor turned to Reddit's "AITAH" forum to share his story. The Original Poster, aged 36, and his 33-year-old wife were pregnant with their first baby. The situation took a challenging turn as OP's 70-year-old mother faced a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, leaving her hospitalized with grim survival prospects due to ineffective treatments.

Having lost his father at a young age, OP credited his mother's dedication, working two jobs to provide him with a good life. Grateful, he purchased a house and fulfilled her needs to ensure her well-being in her later years.

OP's Response to His Wife's Question

After returning from work and visiting his ailing mother, OP found himself in a tense conversation with his wife. When asked to choose between being present for the birth of their child or saying a final goodbye to his terminally ill mother, he chose the latter, expressing the desire to be there for her in her last moments.

The wife declared that he was no longer wanted at the delivery.

This decision angered his wife, who questioned his priorities concerning her and their unborn child. "[My wife] got mad and said what about her and our baby [?] I told her I would try to be there as fast as I could after my mom, but that most likely wouldn't happen, so I told her not to worry about it," explained OP.

Despite OP's repeated attempts to reassure her of his intentions, the argument escalated, resulting in his wife instructing him to leave their home. Following her directive, OP left and found himself at his mother's house, wondering if he was in the wrong for choosing his mom over his pregnant wife.

In response to people's comments asserting he would leave his wife alone, OP said it wasn't the case because his wife's mom would be with her, as per her wishes. Defending his decision to leave, he explained it was a choice between his departure or his wife going, and he was unwilling to put his pregnant wife out of their house.

Additionally, OP affirmed his continuous support during the pregnancy, taking time off work to provide comfort and assistance. Answering further questions about leaving the house, OP, despite being a homeowner, highlighted the late hour and his concern for his pregnant wife's safety. He clarified that his mother was in the hospital, not at her own house.

Reflecting on the advice, he mentioned prioritizing his wife more but noted her consistent preference for her sisters over him. OP denied making her feel secondary, emphasizing that he had prioritized his wife, particularly during emergencies. After returning home, he pondered whether an apology was necessary, seeking advice from the Reddit community.

What Did OP's Wife Say When He Returned Home?

On January 3, OP provided an update, revealing that his wife was absent upon returning home, presumed to be at her mother's house. When she returned, they discussed recent events, with her apologizing for the challenging question and acknowledging her understanding of his response.

OP expressed a desire for marriage counseling, prompting an emotional revelation from his wife, who, instead of asking him to leave, directed him to the guest room. Crucially, the wife declared that he was no longer wanted at the delivery. Accepting this decision, OP acknowledged the need for therapy, recognizing its potential benefits.

Accepting His Wife's Decision

In the final update shared on January 4, OP conveyed that he apologized to his wife, not for suggesting marriage counseling but for the timing and showing her proof. She forgave him but reiterated that he would not be present at the birth of their child, a decision he accepted without resistance.

Expressing the need for space before the baby's arrival, he informed his wife that he would leave, offering her the house and assuring her of his availability via call or text. Addressing questions about not asking his wife to leave, OP explained that being the sole breadwinner and anticipating potential accusations of financial or emotional manipulation made it preferable for him to go.

He clarified his intention to return home when the baby is born and affirmed his plan to take paternity leave. OP disclosed that his wife did not know his current location to avoid family interference. On the topic of not fighting to be in the delivery room, he said he realized that some things, including people's decisions, are beyond his control. Drawing a parallel, he emphasized respecting his wife's choice concerning her body.

In conclusion, OP addressed those seeking more details, explaining his discomfort discussing personal matters. He encouraged specific questions and affirmed that while he cares about a potential divorce, he won't beg his wife to stay. Despite suggesting seeking help, he acknowledged being emotionally secure and hinted at the uncertainty of his wife's awareness of the potential consequences of a divorce.

The Online Reaction

OP's Reddit account received an impressive response from the online community. While some people supported OP, others tried to make him understand his wife's point of view. Here are a few comments worth mentioning:

"NTA if I were the mom in labor, as long as I had other support with me I would want my husband to go to [his] mother," one person wrote. "The question was designed to pick a fight," added a second user.

"Your wife is probably scared of you leaving her alone during childbirth. Every woman wants to be their man's number one priority and you told her she comes second. Whilst understandable in the circumstances it would still hurt to hear," noted another netizen.

Do you think OP was right to tell his pregnant wife he would choose his mom over her? What would you do if you were in his place? Click here to read another story about a woman who made her husband choose between her and his teen son.