Am I Wrong for Taking My Daughter's Christmas Gifts Away after the Way She Treated My Wife?

A father faced a tough call when his daughter, Leah, snubbed spending Christmas with him and his wife, Niyah. Frustrated by Leah's constant dislike for Niyah, the man made a big move, throwing the family's festive plans into uncertainty.

On December 28, 2023, an anonymous male poster turned to Reddit's "AITA" forum to share his story. The Original Poster (OP) explained that he and his daughter Leah's mother were never married, officially separating when Leah was five.

Later, he entered into a relationship with Niyah when Leah was nine and married her when Leah turned 12. Despite the family's ongoing efforts, Leah consistently resisted forming a bond with Niyah, displaying reluctance to spend time with her and a general aversion.

Currently engaged in family therapy, OP expressed the belief that Leah's inclination to utter hurtful remarks served as a defense mechanism to avoid genuine discussions about her emotions. While Leah displayed a delightful persona in one-on-one interactions, her demeanor took a sour turn in the presence of Niyah, OP's wife.

What Happened on Christmas Eve?

Following the family's history, OP continued the narrative. The plan was for the family to spend Christmas together, in line with their custody agreement. Despite being more lenient as Leah, now 16, grew older, the family had consistently adhered to the agreement for holidays and birthdays. However, on Christmas Eve, a deviation occurred as Leah left to visit her boyfriend's family and deliver her gifts.

Leah, visibly angered, remained silent in the aftermath.

At approximately six in the evening, OP called Leah, inquiring about her return home. Leah responded that she intended to stay at her boyfriend's family gathering. Concerned, OP, aware of Leah's mother residing near her boyfriend's location, asked if that was her destination.

Leah remained silent, offering no response. Instructing her to return home, Leah initially seemed to agree but failed to follow through. OP took additional steps, contacting Leah's boyfriend's parents, who confirmed her departure to her mother's place. Subsequently, OP reached out to Leah's mother, who verified that Leah was with her.

The Fallout

The emotional fallout unfolded as Niyah, OP's wife, grappled with heartbreak, sensing that Leah didn't want to be present due to her. Taking charge of the festive preparations, Niyah invested time and effort in selecting and collecting all the gifts for the family. Faced with Leah's reluctance to appreciate Niyah's efforts, OP made a decisive choice upon Leah's return.

When questioned about her absence from Christmas, Leah candidly expressed her desire to spend the holiday with her biological mother. Accepting this, OP delivered a sharp response regarding the gifts. He recalled, "When [Leah] asked about her gifts I said her "fake mom" got it for her, so she didn't need them."

Leah, visibly angered, remained silent in the aftermath. While Niyah found solace in OP's stance against mistreatment, she viewed Leah as a lost cause. The disagreement lingered, with Leah's mom concurring that she needed to cease mistreating Niyah without facing consequences. In the end, OP found himself pondering whether he was in the wrong for removing his daughter's gifts due to her absence on Christmas.

OP also shared a few clarifications, mentioning that Leah possessed gifts from her biological mother, boyfriend, and extended family, excluding the ones Niyah had procured. Notably, OP had presented Leah with a car for Christmas, opting to give the gift in November due to her immediate need for transportation.

Leah, an only child on both sides, remained the focal point of the family dynamics. OP, with no other children and no intentions of having more, expressed openness to maintaining a separate relationship with Leah.

However, the crux of the matter persisted–Leah's treatment of Niyah. OP emphasized the need for civility, troubled by his teenage daughter's habit of treating his wife poorly, bordering on disdain.

Comments from Readers

OP's narrative sparked a considerable reaction within the online community, and a significant majority of respondents labeled him as "NTA."

"NTA. Your daughter is purposely acting this way because she doesn't like Niyah. It's not fair to Niyah who just clearly wants to be friendly and not get in the way of the relationship Leah has with her birth mom. Leah is acting like a brat," said one commenter.

"NTA. She doesn't have to love your wife, but she also needs to treat her with basic human kindness. And look, teenage girls are pretty awful in general, but they need to learn [the] consequences," wrote a second user.

"NTA - she cannot expect gifts from a person she has been rude to. It's not difficult to be polite to another person even if you don't like them. Something she will hopefully learn one day," expressed yet another user.

Do you think OP was right to take away his daughter's Christmas present? What would you do if you were in OP's place?

Click here for another story about a grandmother who refused to buy any gifts for her grandkids because of her daughter-in-law's behavior.