Am I Wrong for Not Letting My Stepdaughter and Her Family Move into My House after My Wife's Death?

In the wake of his wife's passing, a grieving stepfather is faced with a moral dilemma: Should he open his home to his estranged stepdaughter and her family despite a history of animosity and disrespectful behavior?

On January 8, 2024, an anonymous male poster turned to the "AITAH" subreddit to share his story. He recounted that when he had married his wife, she already had two children, Juana, aged 12, and Iago, aged 8. Subsequently, the couple had two children of their own.

The Original Poster (OP) expressed his unfavorable opinion of Juana and Iago's father, Juan, citing his rare child support payments and frequent under-the-table work to reduce the owed amount.

During one Christmas, Juan stayed with them, exhibiting audacity by switching labels on gifts, attributing one intended for Iago as coming from himself. Despite the disrespectful behavior, OP chose to endure it to avoid confrontation in the children's presence.

OP declined, unwilling to uproot his children from their familiar surroundings.

Despite the strained relationship, Juana and Iago remained devoted to their father. Notably, during Juana's wedding, Juan walked her down the aisle, overshadowing the financial contribution made by OP, who was left unacknowledged on the invitation.

In spite of these challenges, OP refrained from causing a scene, recognizing that the wedding was not about him. As time passed, when Juana had her first child, OP was explicitly informed that he would not be considered the child's grandfather; he was merely perceived as her mom's husband.

On the other hand, Iago and OP developed a friendship characterized by the former's consistent politeness and their shared moments. Even after the passing of their mutual loved one, Iago continued visiting, sharing meals, and introducing his fiancée. The bond between them seemed strong, with Iago personally delivering a wedding invitation, underscoring his desire for OP's presence.

However, a stark contrast emerged with Juana, the stepdaughter. Since her mother's demise, Juana had distanced herself, and the last interaction took place at the funeral. OP had anticipated seeing her again at Iago's wedding, but that reunion never materialized.

Facing financial hardships, Juana's family, including her children, found themselves without a home due to economic struggles. Desperate for a place to stay, Juana approached OP, requesting not only shelter but also displacing OP's own kids from their rooms for Juana's family to occupy the basement suite.

OP declined, unwilling to uproot his children from their familiar surroundings. He further revealed: "I offered to let [Juana] have two rooms upstairs with me. She said she didn't want that. Only the basement suite would do. I said it wasn't going to happen and left it at that."

As OP grappled with the plea for shelter from his estranged stepdaughter, he faced a stark reality: her father's inability to assist due to his residence in a bachelor apartment and Iago's distant location in another city.

In an attempt to sway him, Juana invoked the hypothetical stance of her deceased mother, asserting that she would demand OP grant access to the basement as it was, in her view, also her house. Unyielding, OP reminded Juana that he had owned the house independently before marrying her mother, emphasizing its exclusive ownership.

Amid the familial discord, Iago reached out, and OP provided him with a complete account of the situation. Iago, aware of the offered two rooms, expressed his opinion that Juana was misguided in refusing the assistance.

Balancing his sympathy for the family's plight and the responsibility towards his own teenagers, OP found himself reluctant to displace his children, who were navigating adolescence and coping with the loss of their mother.

Despite the uneasy prospect of welcoming someone who harbored ill feelings, OP remained willing to extend aid. In the midst of conflicting emotions, OP questioned his actions, grappling with the dilemma and seeking judgment from the online community: "AITAH for not letting my stepdaughter and her family move into my house?"

OP's narrative has garnered substantial attention in the online realm as a multitude of commenters rally behind his decision, asserting that he is not at fault in this complex familial predicament.

"NTA..Beggars can't be [choosers]. She is begging someone she specifically told was not family in her mind. Honestly, you are way too nice to even offer her those 2 rooms," wrote one user. "NTA. And I wouldn't even have offered the two rooms. It's her life, She is an adult. She made her choices," added a second commenter.

"Funny how nice you must have been for her to even think your house was a joint family house. You didn't wave it in her face that it was yours and u made them feel at home. You must have been a good stepdad. NTA and glad you set her straight [sic]," divulged yet another Redditor.

Do you think OP was right not to let his stepdaughter and her kids live in his house? What would you do if you were in OP's place?

Click here to read another story about a woman who kicked out her boyfriend's mom and sister in front of him and wondered if she was wrong for doing so.