How can I throw my 40-year-old son out of my house legally, when his father wants him to stay?

Dear AmoMama,

I have a very complicated situation to deal with, and I just don't know what I can do.

Two years ago my only son got divorced. His wife threw him out, took the house, and full custody of their two children. My son had a great job in a web-design firm and earned good money. At the time I was very upset with my daughter-in-law and was very much on my son's side.

My husband and I told him he could move back home until he was back on his feet and had his own place again. After little more than a week I was already regretting my decision and beginning to understand why my daughter-in-law had left him.

My son, who is now 40 years old, would be up all night sitting on the porch smoking and drinking bourbon. He'd go to bed at 4 in the morning and would wake up at 3 in the afternoon. He told us he worked better at night, but I didn't see him work. On the weekends he'd go out with his friends and often did not come home at all.

Supposedly his boss tolerated his eccentricity because he was brilliant, but six months later he got fired. From then on he got worse, and he doesn't even get out of bed before dinner.

My husband kept telling me he was depressed because of his marriage, then because he was fired. He has two weekends a month to see his children, but not even the thought of being with his kids can make him get up on time to pick them up.

The only time he gets up bright and early is to go hunting or fishing with his friends. Then he gets up at 4 am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. His money ran out a year ago, and now he hits up my husband for constant loans, mostly for tobacco, drink, and gas for his car - a fancy convertible - which is all he has left of his 'good life'.

He keeps saying he is trying to get a job, but I never see him go anywhere. He demands special meals, and when he gets up I'm supposed to make him breakfast.

He is bad-tempered and verbally abusive when I call him out on his behavior or tell him to tidy up his room and do his own laundry. My husband is always on his side and tells me I'm too harsh and that he needs love and support, not criticism.

I see him manipulate my husband every day and talk him out of his pension money. Anything I say to my husband makes me the villain, and I've just about had enough. A few days ago I had some friends over and we were sitting in the dining room having our tea when in walks my son in his underwear, to fetch drink from the kitchen.

I was deeply embarrassed. He was unshaven, and what was worse he actually smelled bad. Later I called him out on it, and he screamed at me called me "old bitch" and raised his hand to me.

He didn't hit me, but I fear that he might. I have told my husband that I want him out, but he said that he will not put our only son out on the street. I don't know what to do.

My son has become an unbearable presence; a lazy, disgusting man who has no manners, no conscience and cares for no-one but himself. My husband is aging visibly, but will not give up. I think the only way to save my son is to make him FIGHT, go out, get a job, turn his life around. How can I make my husband understand this?

Can I call the police? Can I get my son evicted since my husband is part-owner? I never thought I'd find myself in this situation. My son was always a little selfish, yes, but he has become something worse. I love him, but I can't live with him. Please help me, I need sensible advice.

My lovely peaceful life is utterly destroyed,

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