Should I wait until my 6-year-old is a little older to file for divorce, or should I do it ASAP?

Dear AmoMama,

I have been married for 11 years and have a 6-year-old son. I suppose my husband is a good man in his own way. He has always been kind and generous and has been an excellent provider who has denied me nothing, but he spends most of his time working, and I feel very lonely and neglected.

Because of his neglect, I have become vulnerable, and I ended up falling in love with another man who gave me what I needed: attention, passion, pleasure. This man makes me feel like a woman in every sense of the word, and I want to be with him.

Of course, on the other hand, there is my son, who idolizes his father, and I don't want him traumatized by a divorce. I am so divided. If I leave my husband I will hurt my son and forfeit the beautiful home he has become used to. My prenup specifies that if I divorce before 15 years of marriage, I get a minimal compensation, no property, and only child support.

If I wait another 4 years, my son will be older. more mature and more able to understand the situation. I can keep him in the home he is accustomed to, and get the financial security I deserve for all that I have gone through.

My lover is pressuring me to ask my husband for a divorce, and it's becoming complicated to juggle his demands and keep my husband ignorant of the affair.

My lover wants me to leave my husband, move in with him. He says he will marry me, but to be honest, his income is modest and not what I have been used to. I may have led him to believe my husband is cruel to me and makes incessant sexual demands - he doesn't of course - but he believes it is so, and so feels he will be rescuing me.

I need to find a way to balance this out for the next 4 years. I don't want to leave my husband and hurt my son, but I don't want to lose my lover either.

What can I do? I have a duty to my son, and that must come before my desires for myself. How can I make my lover understand? Can anyone advise me?

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