I hit my teenage son after I caught him kissing our male neighbor. Am I a bad mother?

Dear AmoMama,

I am so ashamed of myself, but at the same time I can't help my feelings, I can't deny it: I am a narrow-minded hypocrite and I am breaking my son's heart.

My son is now 17 and he has always been a very quiet boy, not much for parties or nasty experiments like so many others seem to be nowadays. He is studious, artistic and the most loving son any woman could wish for.

So a few days ago I was hanging out my washing and I saw him through the window of our neighbor's house, and he was kissing him. He was kissing that man in the mouth like he was a woman. I screamed and they turned around and saw me.

My son came running and I struck him in the face. I couldn't stop. I kept yelling at him calling him dirty and disgusting and I even told him I was glad his father was dead so he wouldn't know.

My son kept trying to calm me down, and he said how could I react like this when I was so supportive of one of my nephews who was gay? I have always been very tolerant and accepting of people's sexual orientation, but this is my son! My son, not some androgynous freak wiggling his butt on a Gay Pride parade.

He told me he has known for a long time, and he thought I'd know too and that was why I was so vocal about LGBT rights. But everyone is, nowadays, aren't they? It's almost obligatory.

But not my son. I thought he was so devoted to me, to his studies. How could I imagine my beautiful boy was a homosexual?

I cant' accept it, and it hurts him. He cries and begs me to listen, to understand. But I can't. Every time I see him kissing that man in my head I feel sick.

Am I a bad person, am I a bad mother? I had such dreams for my only boy. I will never be a grandmother now, and they will look at me sideways in church. Please, I love my son, how can I overcome this feeling? Please help me.

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