August 17, 2018

I am to be married within a week and my parents refuse to accept my wedding invitation

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Dear AmoMama, 

I am to be married within a week, and my parents refuse to accept my wedding invitation. This is gonna be long, so hang in there with me.

My dad is the person that has worked his entire life for his children, very smart, very successful man. He is the only person that I speak with from my family. Everyone else blames me for what happened to me. Both my mother and brother think I should apologize to them for the pain I caused them, and I did, against my will, after my dad’s request I’ve tried over the past year to talk to them, email them or call them, accept my blame just to make things right but nothing works, you must wonder, “blame for what”? Well...

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Two years ago I was savagely raped in my own house, a man broke inside and police never found him. He tortured me for two hours, with a gun behind my head, forcing me to be quiet if I didn’t want the same to happen to my daughter.

When the attacked happen I was home alone with my 7-year-old. However she was asleep on the other side of the house, she did hear something but hid herself under the bed until police walked into her room, even though I kept my screams to myself the whole ordeal was noisy.  I am a single mother, single as my kid has my own name, single as the real thing. I had my daughter at 25.

Three years before the attack I started dating a man, a man who is not perfect but loves the two of us infinitely.

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He was late from work that day, one of those 3-4 days a year that he has to work late until 11 pm, usually he would be home by 6:45 but he had a big project and only came home after I called him in distress.

That night in 2015 was the worst nightmare anyone could imagine, ever since I’ve been dealing with PTSD, anxiety attacks, depression and fears of all sorts.

Six months after the attack I tried to kill myself because I couldn’t handle the pain, and that’s when my boyfriend left. Right after the attack, we moved into his condo, because I couldn’t walk inside my house anymore.

But after that day and my attempt to suicide, while in the hospital he asked me to leave and don’t come back to his condo. And so I did, as soon as I left the hospital with my dad I went to pack as much as I could.

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It was humiliating because he wouldn’t let my brother or dad come into the condo to help me packed and he sent his mother to do the dirty work because he couldn’t face me.

Two months passed and he emailed me asking for forgiveness, saying he couldn’t live without us and he made a mistake.

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Dear Subscriber,

You have gone through a harrowing ordeal and have come through to the other side, and that is your greatest victory.

You are on the brink of taking a step into the future with a man you describe as "not perfect" but who loves you. This man, your fiancee, is very different from your father, whom you obviously love and admire, and there, perhaps, lies the problem.

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Ask yourself, why don't your parents want to attend the wedding? You say your fiancee evicted you from his condo at the lowest point of your life in a humiliating manner, not even allowing your father and brother to help you.

You believe your mother and brother blame you for the rape, but you say that you were alone in the house with your child because your fiancee was working late. Consider how your family sees this man.

He is someone who has let you down, hurt you when you were most vulnerable, shown himself weak, and now he has asked you to take him back and you have.

You have granted him a second chance, but your family may be afraid you will be left disappointed and hurt again. 

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It might be a good idea for the two of you to go to your parents together and hand-deliver an invitation. Your fiancee would do well to eat humble-pie and assure them of his sincerity. You may have given him your trust, but he will have to earn theirs.

Be sure of your decision, and always remember that you are their little girl and they will do anything to protect you.

Be strong, be happy, be yourself.

Do you agree with our advice? What do you think this subscriber could do to solve her problem?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.

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