August 18, 2018

I am in an abusive relationship and I can't leave. I don't know what wrong with me

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The following letter has been edited for clarity and coherence.

Dear AmoMama,

I met the father of my son when I had just finished school, and  I was so lonely since I had just lost my father. I was lonely and heartbroken.

I was in a relationship with him for a few months and I got pregnant but ever since I have been fending for my self, he didn't provide anything.

I remember when I was in labor he didn't take me to hospital, I had to go to a clinic that my cousin worked in to deliver my baby but he did [not] come nor call her to thank her.


He has been like that ever since up to now my son is 5yrs and going to school but it's me who pays his school fees, hospital bills, feeding, requirements, etc I am in an abusive relationship and I can't leave  

I don't want my son to go through what I went through {I didn't grow up with my parents} I don't know what to do, I have tried to move on but I keep coming back to him, don't know what wrong with me... Please, I need your advice.


Dear Subscriber,

You are not helpless, and you are not dependant on this man. You are a strong woman who had her child alone - and you have been supporting him alone since he was born.


This man has shown that he has neither respect nor regard for you, and it seems, little affection.

You met him at a particularly difficult time in your life, having lost your father at such a young age, and in your vulnerability, you transferred all your need for love and emotional security to him. 

Ask yourself, what do you actually get out of this relationship? Is this the example you want your son to follow in later life? 

You say you have attempted to leave and have returned of your own accord. What motivated you? Love or fear of the unknown?

Please value yourself more, you deserve better, your son deserves better.


Reach out to your friends, join a support group, and please contact a professional for help in working through your problem.

Be strong, be happy, be yourself.

Do you agree with our advice? What do you think this subscriber could do to solve her problem?

If you need help or advice, reach out to us, and thousands of women just like you who are struggling with the difficulties of life. You are not alone, we are here for you, and we listen; so write to us anonymously using this form.