August 23, 2018

It will be 18 yrs that I have been married to my husband and he is a cheat.

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The following letter has been edited for clarity and coherence.

Dear AmoMama,

It will be 18 years that I have been married to my husband. I found out last year that he has been having an affair for 3 years, just 4 days before I left to go to my hometown to visit my son and his family.

I know who this other woman is. I have had a lot of people tell me a lot of things but I couldn't get proof, until one day she took pictures of her own pictures that she has in her own home of my husband to my phone.

When my husband found what she did he rushed home to tell me what was going on. Needless to say, I gave him another chance and told him he had to stop all contact with her.


Well, it hasn't been a year since then and I found out through a good friend of mine that he was still seeing her. So now they are going on 4 years.

I want to leave him but I am afraid. I am tired of his lies I can't trust him anymore. He has been verbally abusive always yelling at me. But at the same time, he is trying so hard to keep our marriage going.

I have nowhere to go I have no family here, they all live up north far from me I can't seem to save money because I am paying all the bills.

I don't want to stay in the house we bought 2 years ago. If I leave or stay in the house he will be coming around any or all the chances he can get harassing me.


If I move up north he will follow not long after and find me. Even if I get an order of protection he will not care. Spending time in jail is nothing to him because he knows he will get out and start all over again. What can I do I am lost right now I know what he is capable of and it is not pretty.


Dear Subscriber,

Your husband is not just cheating on you. He has been abusing you for years, and you are too frightened of him to break free. 

You say your husband is working to keep the marriage going but is he doing that because he loves you or because he sees you as his possession? The property he can do what he wants with?


Breaking the cycle of abuse and dependence is not easy, but there is help to be had.

If you go to the site, you can find a domestic violence shelter and legal help in your area. Most of these institutions have local or toll-free numbers and some also have hotlines.

Reach out to your son, confide in him your fears and your problem. You are not alone. Believing that is the first step on the road to freedom.

Be strong, be happy, be yourself.

Do you agree with our advice? What do you think this subscriber could do to solve her problem?

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