My daughter is dating a man my age and I’m devastated

Dear AmoMama

I'm at my wits' end with the situation in my home, and I have no one to turn to for help. My daughter is dating a man my age and I'm broken. How do I throw him out of my house?

I must admit, I am to blame for this situation too. When they started dating a few months ago, I was shocked. Especially because of the age gap. I mean, he is old enough to be her father! But instead of doing something about it, I just let it slide.

To be honest, I was hoping it would just be a phase, that she would come to her senses and would leave him. Maybe I was hesitant to put a stop to it straight away because I was also young once and in love. I know how it feels to be that age and head-over-heels infatuated.

While I know my daughter has a good head on her shoulders, she is in that strange period of one's life where you are not a child anymore but you also don't have the experience that comes with age. She is in her early twenties and still has so much to learn about life!

She is a romantic at heart and can be so naive at times. And this is why it makes my situation so much more unbearable! I know that deep down she really loves him and I don't want to be the person who takes that away from her. Despite all her naivety, her feelings for him are real and true and something beautiful.

And maybe he could be good to her too, but the situation is becoming a little more intolerable by the day. I mentioned that he is twice her age, and he will be turning 48 in a few months. I guess I could still somehow approve of him if he was... I don't know... more stable?

He doesn't have a job and jokes that he is a "Freelancing Netflix Expert." Yes, you guessed it. That means he just hangs around all day watching TV. He has no income, let alone the means to support my daughter, and relies on my meager salary. And mind you, I don't even earn that much. I work as a secretary at the local school. It's a half day job and I’m barely able to provide for my daughter and me.

I really can't take it anymore! When I come home from work, he's lying on the couch. When I get up in the morning, I find the kitchen in a mess and dirty plates everywhere. He doesn't even clean up after himself or offer to do any of the housework. If he was more helpful around the house I could probably still sympathize with his situation.

Please help me, what would you do if you were in my situation? I don't want to break my daughter's heart, and I don't want to lose her. At the moment, it feels as though chasing him out of my home would inevitably lead to hurting her or losing her, and I don’t even want to consider that.

What should I do?

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