10 funny quotes and jokes about the flu

If laughter is the best medicine, have a giggle and stay healthy.

It's flu season, and the dreary cold provides the perfect environment for all those pesky germs.

If you've got the dreaded sniffles, it's important to stay warm, drink lots of fluids, take vitamin C and have a laugh or two to keep your spirits up.

PRESCRIBING THE PERFECT MEDICATION

The patient went to his doctor because he had flu, and the doctor wrote out a prescription for him in his usual illegible writing. The patient put it in his pocket, but forgot to get the tablets from the pharmacy.

Every morning, for two years, he showed it to the conductor as a railroad pass. Twice, it got him into the movies, once into the soccer stadium, and once into the symphony. He got a raise at work by showing it as a note from his boss.

One day he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the conservatory of music.

A CURE FOR MEMORY?

A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, ”Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

“Do you mean aspirin?” says the pharmacist.

“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”

A MATTER OF OPINION

The doctor tells the patient he has very bad flu. The patient says he wants a second opinion.

The doctor says, ”OK, you’re ugly too”.

“My dear doctor, I’m surprised to hear you say that I am coughing very badly, because I have been practising all night.”

John Philpot Curran

“Being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work until one is better.”

Samuel Butler

“The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases.”

Caskie Stinnet

“One of the minor pleasures in life is to be slightly ill.”

Harold Nicholson

“A doctor is the only man without a guaranteed cure for the cold”.

Dominic Cleary

“The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature affects the cure.”

Voltaire

“If a doctor treats your cold, it will go away in fourteen days. If you leave it alone, it will go away in two weeks."

Gloria Silverstein

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TRUMP'S SPEECH LEADS TO SOME FUN ON TWITTER

President Donald Trump delivered a speech from the Oval Office on the very serious subject of border security.

But the Democratic Congressional leaders' response has Twitter users rolling in the aisles.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer stood stiffly next to each other with American flags in the background as they delivered their rebuttal of the President's speech.

Their stance reminded users of the famous painting "American Gothic" which depicts a stern-faced couple with a pitchfork standing stiffly in front of a house.

Is the pitchfork to poke holes in Trump's arguments? And is the house Congress? Politics is sometimes stranger than comedy, or art.