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Daily Joke: A Newspaper Once Published an Obituary for Common Sense

Manuela Cardiga
Jul 30, 2021
02:39 A.M.
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If you've been lamenting the loss of Common Sense, join the club. A newspaper decided to publish an obituary about it for everyone to see.

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How many times do we complain about how Common Sense seems to be lacking in modern life? Well, there is a good reason for that. Common Sense is officially dead, and its obituary was published in a newspaper for all to read about.

The obituary opened, saying: "Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape."

An illustration of a man being put inside a coffin | Source: Pixabay

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REMEMBERING COMMON SENSE

He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: "Knowing when to come in out of the rain," "Why the early bird gets the worm," "Life isn’t always fair," and the always valuable "And maybe it was my fault."

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies like "don’t spend more than you can earn," and reliable strategies such as "adults, not children, are in charge."

An illustration of a man being fed cake | Source: Pixabay

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COMMON SENSE'S DECLINING HEALTH

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He went into a steep decline when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

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An illustration of a man being scolded | Source: Pixabay

THE NAIL IN COMMON SENSE'S COFFIN

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

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Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. 

An illustration of a man and a beggar | Source: Pixabay

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Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I’m A Victim, and Pay Me For Doing Nothing. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. He will be sorely missed by people of good sense.

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A RACE AGAINST TIME

Another time, a grandfather was speaking to his grandson while reading the newspaper. Pointing to the newspaper, the grandfather said: "Hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section?"

The grandson happily obliged, handing over the newspaper sports section. Upon seeing it, the grandfather shook his head. "No, no, no, not that!" he says, before grabbing a different section. 

When his grandson saw it, he clarified: "But that's the obituaries, grandpa..." He proceeds to nod and says: "Yeah, but when you're my age, this is the sports section." 

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