The best obituary ever written in a newspaper
If you've been lamenting the loss of common sense, join the club.
How many times do we complain about how Common Sense seems to be lacking in modern life?
Well, there is a good reason for that. Common Sense is officially dead and its obituary was published in a newspaper for all to enjoy.
MOURNING THE DEATH OF COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: "Knowing when to come in out of the rain"; "Why the early bird gets the worm"; "Life isn’t always fair"; and the always valuable "And maybe it was my fault".
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies like don’t spend more than you can earn; and reliable strategies such as adults, not children, are in charge.
COMMON SENSE'S DECLINING HEALTH
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
THE NAIL IN COMMON SENSE'S COFFIN
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He went into a steep decline when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
THE FINAL BLOW THAT LAID COMMON SENSE LOW
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I’m A Victim and Pay Me For Doing Nothing.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. He will be sorely missed by people of good sense.
In a related story, an elderly couple called the police to report a break-in but had to call a second time.