Sexless Nights and Frustration: Mom Reveals the Bitterness of Being Married with 4 Children
A mother from Australia posted a candid view on how motherhood changed her life and her relationship with her husband after seven years of marriage.
The 31-year-old mother of four, Mel Watts laid in bed one night and reflected on her life, and how much having children changed what once was.
From New South Wales, Mel has a son named Ayden, 12, from a previous relationship along with six-year-old Ivie, three-year-old Indie, and one-year-old Sonny.
Family life had become “repetitive” to Mel, and the demands of looking after the kids turned her into a “hairy, cranky wife,” as she wrote:
“He was snoring his busy week away, and I was wide awake thinking of all the things we used to do. How different we use to be. I was mad at him for changing. I was mad at myself for changing. It is no one's fault. It's just a moment in our life where I can say - it's not all roses and handcuffs.”
Mel thought of the nights they were able to stay out and spend time together, or the weekends away they can no longer afford. Nights had become a time where each lies silently in bed hoping the kids would be taken care of so they can get some rest, as Mel added:
“The children have become the number one priority, and at some point, we need to learn to put our relationship towards the top of that priority list. I think in time it will become that way again.”
But for Mel it's also about putting in the hard work and realizing that relationships change over time as she said:
“Nothing is going to be easy forever. Nothing is going to stay the same. And that's okay. Life is all about the change. It’s about becoming together and staying together during the good, the ugly and the children.”
Even though times are tough right now, Mel loves her husband dearly and wouldn’t want to “be old and saggy with anyone else!” Other women experience similar feelings as the stage of motherhood comes in to play. For one it was a reminder that once the baby arrives, you no long schedule your own as Dawn Dais from Roseville, California said:
"The biggest change after having kids was the loss of freedom and autonomy. When the baby was only a couple weeks old, my partner texted me and said, 'I’m meeting with a client, so I’ll be home around 7 P.M.,' And I promptly wrote back, 'No, you will be home at 5 P.M. because we have a baby, and I’m going to lose my mind if you're out until 7 P.M.' It was a stark reminder that we no longer set the schedule.”
32-year-old Lauren Wilson from Los Angeles and a mother of two experienced the change in her life similarly to Mel as she said:
“Before we had kids we lived life as a team—we had dates, tried new restaurants, and spent the weekend on hikes. When you have a kid, you learn to divide and conquer to make sure everything gets done, and to give each other a break. In the early days, you take turns sleeping while the other one feeds the baby. Now my husband takes the kiddo to the park so I can run errands alone. That was a big adjustment for us—it often feels like we get less fun time together, and less time together period.”
As many couples experience changing pains, as one could call it. It takes commitment and hard work to forge a deep, lifelong connection with your partner. Nothing remains stagnant; we change as time goes on, and so does our relationships.
Recently Pierce Brosnan and his wife Keely Shaye Smith celebrated 25 years of marriage and shared how much their lives changed over the years.