April 26, 2019
A man wrote his wife a letter after leaving her for her sister, hoping that she would read the letter with deep regret. But he was about to get a bitter surprise.
After seven years of marriage, the man could not bear living with his wife any longer. So he decided to write her a letter to tell her that he had left her for her sister.
The wife responded with a letter of her own which stated, to his big surprise, that she was anything but disappointed or distraught.
The husband wrote his letter as follows:
I want to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I believe I’ve been a good husband to you but, sadly, you have no appreciation of my efforts.
These last two weeks especially have been difficult for me. And when your boss called me today to tell me that you quit your job, I knew I could take it no more.
But things had started to get worse much before that. Last week, you came home from work and didn’t even notice my new haircut. I also cooked you your favorite meal but you didn’t comment on that either. You didn’t even see that I wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
It took you two minutes to finish your food and go to sleep after watching all your soap operas. What’s worse – you don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want any physical relationship or anything that bonds us as husband and wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore. But don’t worry, none of that matters anymore. I’m gone.
P.S. Please don’t try to find me. I and your sister are moving to West Virginia. You have a happy life ahead.”
Here is how the wife replied to his letter:
Your letter has really made me happy today. In our seven years of marriage, I can’t remember a single day when you have been a good husband to me.
Don’t you get it? I want my soap operas so that I can drown out your constant complains and whining. Unfortunately, not even that works.
Oh, and your haircut last week – of course, I saw it. I saw how it made you look like a girl. But, like my mother always taught me, I chose to say nothing when I didn’t have something nice to say.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have confused me with my sister. Clearly, you forgot that I had stopped eating pork some seven years ago.
And those silk boxers - oh my God! I saw the $49.99 price tag on them and I so hoped that it was just a coincidence that my sister had only recently borrowed $50 from me.
Still, I was thinking about working it out with you because I loved you. So when I won the lottery for 10 million dollars today, I quit my job and bought two tickets to Jamaica for us.
Looks like we weren’t fated to be together. But, hey, everything happens for a reason and I wish you a happy life too.
Oh and, by the way, I talked to my lawyer and she said that the letter you wrote me ensures that you don’t get a single dollar from me.
Rich as hell and Free!
P.S. Did I ever tell you that my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope it doesn’t matter to you.”
This story appeared on Newsner.