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Woman Has a Problem with Maxi Pads, and Her Hilarious Letter Goes Viral

Pedro Marrero
May 16, 2019
04:04 A.M.

If you have ever thought that the commercials of feminine hygiene products seem to be completely disconnected with reality, this joke of the day will make you laugh out loud.

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According to Ebaumsworld, the next thing you are going to read is a letter that a woman from Austin, Texas, sent in 2007 to the number one American company in personal hygiene products, Procter and Gamble.

The woman wanted to express her personal appreciation of the advertising content of the "Always" sanitary napkins that the company launched for all the women in the world who use their product.

Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay

The letter is written in a sarcastic tone and had such a funny effect on everyone who read it that it was selected by the company's digital magazine as the best webmail-award-winning letter of that year.

Here we bring you the full original version so you can laugh for a while remembering the old commercials of feminine products that invaded the screens of our homes a decade ago.

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“Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

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Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

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The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

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For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending b--------. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.”

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

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We hope you have had fun with this ingenious letter, check our other jokes to keep yourself laughing for a while. If you think that the complaint of this consumer is still valid, don’t forget to share this funny epistle with all your friends and family.

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