A Nice Respectable Lady Goes into the Pharmacy to Buy Some Cyanide
Revenge is only bitter to the one tasting it, and in today’s joke of the day, two women made sure that their respective husbands would pay for with their cheating ways.
THE POISONED WELL
A nice and respectable lady calmly walked into a pharmacy and went straight to the pharmacist. She looked him square in the eyes and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
With a raised eyebrow, the pharmacist asked, “What on earth do you need cyanide for?”
Without hesitation, the lady answered, “I need it to poison my husband.”
Astonished by her reply, his eyes got big, and he exclaimed, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! It’s murder! I will lose my license, and we will both rot in jail! Absolutely not! I will not give you ANY cyanide!”
The lady reached into her handbag and pulled out a picture of her husband and the pharmacist’s wife together in bed.
The pharmacist stared at the picture for a few seconds and replied, “Well now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
THE CHEATING SMELL
After 37 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young and beautiful secretary. His new girlfriend demanded to live in the mansion he once shared with his wife, and since his lawyers were better than his ex-wife’s, he prevailed.
He gave his ex-wife three days to clear all her belongings out of the house. On the first day, she packed all her possessions, which they movers came to collect on the second day.
At the end of the third day, she sat down at the stunning dining room table, lit some candles and feasted on a pound of shrimp, some caviar and washed it down with a good bottle of Chardonnay.
After she finished, she went into each room in the house, and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all the curtain rods. Then she cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The next day the husband returned with his new girlfriend, and all went well for the first couple of days, then the smell slowly started to fill the house.
They tried everything; they got professional cleaners to come and clean the entire mansion after numerous attempts at getting rid of the smell failed.
They even got an exterminator, who gassed the house so well that they had to spend a week in a hotel room. Replacing carpets and furniture didn’t help either. But the smell became unbearable, even the maid quit. So they decided to sell the house and move.
However, with the stench being so putrid, they couldn’t get the house sold and dropping the price didn't work either. After a while, even the realtors refused to take their calls. With no other choice, the couple took out a huge bank loan to buy a new house.
And so the ex-wife called the man and asked him how things were going. He told her the whole story while she politely listened. As he finished his story, the ex-wife said that she missed the mansion terribly and would be willing to take it off his hands if he reduced the divorce settlement.
The man agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of the house’s worth and sent over the paperwork the same day, knowing that his wife had no idea how bad the smell had become.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend smiled broadly as they watched the moving company pack up everything and take it to their new home.
As a reminder, the man said to the movers, “Don't leave anything behind, pack everything, including the curtain rods.”
Similarly, in another joke of the day, a man thought he got the last laugh after his daughter turned 18 years old and he handed over the last alimony cheque. Little did he know what would happen next.