August 28, 2019
Dorothy Allison once warned people that when you lie “things come apart so easily." This husband learned that the hard way.
One day, a man sat at his kitchen table happily reading the newspaper. He hummed softly as he turns the page completely unaware that his fuming wife was moving towards him.
All of a sudden, his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. The stunned man jumps up.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She angrily throws a piece of paper at him before explaining that she found it in his pocket. On the paper was the name Betty Sue.
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She lets out a massive sigh and flushed with guilt. Her anger seeped away and she apologizes profusely before threatening him that if that was a lie she'd hit him again.
Three days later, the scene repeats itself again. The unsuspecting husband is reading his paper when she smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
Angrily he snaps at her demanding to know what her problem was this time. She looked him dead in the eye and with a calm voice said:
"Your horse called."
Across town, another couple was dealing with their own moment of revelation. A doting husband asked his extremely supportive wife if she had ever been unfaithful but he wasn't prepared for her answer.
She admitted she had been unfaithful on three occasions but each time she had a reason that benefitted her husband.
First, she went to bed with a doctor so he could get the operation he needed, then with the President and the Vice President at his job to secure him the supervisor position he wanted.
Lastly she said, "Do you remember two years ago when you wanted to become President of the Baseball Team, and you were missing 53 votes...?"