Daily Joke: Woman Sends Hilarious Letter to Bank after They Bounced Her Check
Banks are known for their long lines, extensive red tape, and heavy fees. But one old woman found a way to express her discontent with all of it in a letter.
An 86-year-old woman sent a letter to her bank following a penalty fee after her check bounced. It read as follows:
"Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check which I was hoping to pay my plumber with the month before.
Per my calculations, three nanoseconds must have passed between his presenting the check and the funds arriving in my account to honor it.
Those funds, of course, are the automatic monthly deposit of my pension, which, I admit, has been going on for a mere eight years. You should be commended for grabbing onto this window of opportunity.
You should also be praised for debiting my account the $30 in penalty fees for the inconvenience caused to the bank. My gratitude comes from how this incident forced me to reflect on my errant financial practices.
I realized that while I would always answer your telephone calls and letters in person, I'm faced with a faceless, pre-recorded entity whenever I reach out to your bank.
From now on, I will return the favor an only deal with a person on the other end of my business transactions. My mortgage and loan repayment will no longer be automatic.
Instead, they will arrive at your bank by check, addressed to someone whom you must nominate. Only that person will be able to peruse the check, otherwise, you will be committing an offense under the Postal Act.
You'll find attached the application contract which the selected employee has to complete. I do apologize for the eight-page run, but I must know as much about this person as the bank knows about me.
Further, all copies of the person's medical history have to be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of their finances must be accompanied by documented proof.
Later on, at MY convenience, I'll issue the employee a PIN number which must be quoted whenever we interact. I'm sorry that it can't be shorter than 28 digits, but, this model reflects the bank's phone service.
To level the playing field even further, whenever you call me, you'll need to press the following buttons: Immediately after dialing, please press the star (*) button for English. Then, press,
#1. For an appointment with me.
#2. To query a missed payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living area where I might be.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom where I may be sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to the bathroom where I may be attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone in case I'm not home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer which will require password access
.#8. To return to the main menu and listen to the options again.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry following which you'll be put on hold.
#10. This is another reminder to press * for English.
Although this might involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will be played in the background throughout the call. Finally, I regret that in line with your bank's example, I'll have to levy an establishment fee to cover the setup of this arrangement.
I'd like to wish you a happy, and ever so slightly less profitable New Year. Your Humble Client. And don't forget: Don't ever make old people mad. We detest being old in the first place, so it takes little to get us angry."
Another joke that might get you laughing is that of a couple who went out for a date night to get a change of scenery.
The pair went to a bar and were having some drinks. Immediately the woman saw a familiar face nearby.
She recognized the man as a past boyfriend of hers. The woman opted to point out the old flame to her husband.
"Honey," she told him. She raised a finger to point out the man. "That guy over there has been drinking like an addict since we split years ago."
Her husband responded: "Now that's just silly, no one celebrates THAT much!"